(Hardly Dangerous) Liaisons

The Beginning of the End

2006-04-18T14:30:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone. Still alive. And kicking. Was stuck in a rut a few days ago when I was caught out in the cold and rain, all wet and shivering in my goretex jacket in the vehicle travelling for hours at end. But that's done and over with. Will be embarking on another similar journey tomorrow so wish me luck. Hope the weather's on our side this time.

The weather's here finally beginning to turn warm again. For once, it's a welcome change. Can't believe I was shivering the whole of yesterday, and the day before. That was a pretty trying time. Trying to look comfortable to others while writhing in freezing pain within.

At the moment, I'm trying to finish this blasted book called "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov or something like that. Love love love this book. The subject's a perverted old man who never ceases to think highly of himself and is diseased with a natural inclination towards small little girls or nymphets as he calls them. It's a fascinating read and I can never put the book down once I start reading it in my free time which is not a lot at the moment. Damn funny. The prose is excellent and the author never fails to draw your attention from the cruelty or pervertedness of the act to make it look or sound like an extremely applaudable or innocent act. The author's really damn good. Right now, I'm stuck at the part where he's thinking about killing his wife to see whether he can go further for his incestuous lust for his step-daughter. It's disgusting and revolting but I really cannot put this damn book down! :P

I'll be back in about 2 weeks and I've officially prob spent about 3 weeks already here. Things have been crazy but everything I guess has to be taken with a pinch of salt and by gritting the teeth. It's been crazy and I'm still loving every moment being here. Almost feels like home here and it's damn frightening.

Cheers from me,
Raffli.

PS: Managed to get to McDonald's a few days ago!!! And never has fillet-o-fish or french fries tasted like heaven before!!! Now I'm just waiting for my Tandoori chicken and Indian cuisine later on at Kaohsiung. :P

Happy Birthday to Me! :P

2006-04-12T12:36:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone! :P Me again... Finally got hold of a computer once more. Got 9 min exactly till the computer dies. It's my birthday today and I'm turning 21 finally... Can't believe how old I am. And I seriously cannot believe how much of that was spent in school... Lemme see 2+6+4+2=14 whole years in school.... How ridiculous is that?

Anyway. I'm still stuck here in Taiwan on exercise. It will end soon and I can be on my way back to Singapore soon! :P Miss everything about Singapore. Everything. The food. The people. The weather. And most of all my friends and family. Can't believe how much I think about them when I'm about to plop to sleep.

I'm finally beginning to settle down to the environment here. Am finally comfortable to talk to everyone in a casual manner since now I know most of them by name :P And the work's settled down a bit now that the ex is finally beginning.

Gtg. Internet's dying once more. Ciaoz for now. Everyone: I'm still alive and kicking. At least for now :P Till next1

Cheers from Taiwan

2006-04-03T19:18:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone! :P Cheers from me in Taiwan... I'm currently on an overseas exercise with my unit and I'm loving every moment being here. I feel that I'm really blessed because I came up with some of the best ppl I could possibly have worked with here.

The environment's great - never have I seen such camaraderie between the different ranks and people who are forced to live with each other side by side each night as the beds are placed really close to each other. You're literally facing the other person's face when you turn left or right.

And the weather's driving me nuts. It was freaking cold when I first arrived but now it's sweltering hot, like in Singapore. I came to experience a different environment, and I did initially, but now that full-blown summer has arrived, it's hard to escape from the heat, especially when there's so few air-conditioned rooms around unlike in Singapore.

Managed to get a nights off a few days back because one of my buds here just celebrated his 20th birthday here, in a small town called Douliu. Interesting small rustic town with the usual amenities such as shops and the obligatory McDonald's and KFC. Never have I been so happy to put french fries in my mouth before. Dang... And it's only been what? Slightly more than 7 days.

Been sick for the past few days with flu, a runny nose, a sore throat and a bad cough but I'm slowly getting better as I increasingly take my medication. Mom, Dad, Sis and all those back at home - don't worry :) I'm ok now... :)

Also, there was a 6.4 earthquake reported in the Taizhong area about 2 days ago and apparently some of the guys felt their beds shaking. I was in the cookhouse at that time, enjoying my dinner so I didn't feel a thing at all. Damn.

Alright, this is all that I can type for the moment. Internet's here ridiculously expensive but cheer up everyone :) I shall be back soon.

Cheers,
Raffli,.

Random Ramblings...

2006-03-04T00:04:00.000+08:00

I am so tired. I really am. It's not so much of physical exhaustion, mor of my mind's pretty crapped up at the moment. I am leaving for Taiwan in what 2 weeks and I still have so so much to do in the office.

Like today. I was on the dept outing in the morning @ East Coast, hoping to have a great day in the sun rollerblading and laughing with the dept I love and care so much about. Then, the dreaded W word appears out of nowhere and slams me right on the face with a tight tight slap. So tight that I couldn't even be bothered to blade after that - no mood. I mean I told OM (OM will henceforth be known as the person who is in control of the office and everything that happens within - I'm pretty sure u guys know who he is) the day before we left for the outing that since we will be out and that there's no duty storeman, I wanted to write a note to this company saying that we won't be around to collect any indents that may arrive via milkrun. He bloody knew about it. Then this last minute thing comes up that the indent has to be distributed on this very bloody day: the day of the outing. And I can feel that he's blaming me that this thing got up to OC level. I am damn pissed at OM. So pissed that I am glad I am robbing him of 2 more people to order around in the office and I am glad that I am leaving the office for a month.

This smiling thing too is beginning to feel like a burden though it comes so naturally. It's who I am. But when I'm suffering so much from so many many things happening around me, it's really hard to smile sometimes. Work's piling up so high that I am beginning to see that nothing short of a miracle can accomplish all that's been set to be done. Yesterday's meeting just left me totally flabbergasted. At department level - I can understand. But extending it to company level and setting a dateline that's just too close for any comfort at all... It's just... A herculean effort. And the stress level's really high. Together with the tension. I can sense definite tension between my buddy and his understudy. They are like opposing forces and it looks set to continue that way. It's becoming really exhausting just being in the office.

And I still have tons of scholarship applications to complete plus testimonials to obtain from my past teachers plus the rescheduling of any interviews required plus application for financial aid. And everything's gonna be processed while I'm not here in Singapore. Any interviews scheduled and I won't be around. How fun is that? It's really beginning to stress me a lot...

Plus, I need to make sure that my understudy's ok with everything that he needs to know before I leave him at the mercy of OM and all the CQs and the OCs. Hopefully he'll do ok. :) I have high hopes for him and his colleague-in-arms.

And I haven't even packed anything yet... At all! I'm prepared mentally to accomplish all the tasks set for the exercise but at home and at work, there are so many many things to settle before I go. The trip I took last Dec was ok because I was only away for 2 weeks plus... But this one is a month plus. Plus, I will be clearing almost immediately after returning from Taiwan. There's so much shit to clear...

Nothing is making me happy at the moment. Nothing. I have to find that one thing that can make me happy but at the moment, nothing is making me any bit happy. Even listening to music is not helping. Home is equally stressful and just being at home makes me want to bolt out for the office. But being in the office conjures up the same feeling as well... If I can't find refuge in either place, where on earth am I supposed to go to? Totally disappear? I can't even go to the movies nowadays, seeing it being totally pointless - I know it will be interrupted by some other event.

Maybe it's just me who's complaining about all these things. Perhaps these things don't even exist. I probably created all these problems myself in my head and they somehow materialised in the most solid form possible. I do that at times. Imagine things that are not there. Am I ok in the head?

But I really am looking forward to the rainbow which appears after a storm - my university education. I really cannot wait for it to begin. But I know that I want to be challenged in Uni. Which is why the strong consideration for the Business and Law Double Degree thing in NUS and the Monash application for Arts and Law Double Degree popped up. I want to do so many many things to prove to everyone that looks down on me that I can do it... Those people who think that I'm a social outcast just by looking at me on the train or on the bus. How awkward that I'm unable to assimilate seamlessly into the teenage crowd. That I'm not a useless piece of crap that society can leave at the corner of a street and totally ignore. That everyone will not look down upon. I managed to start that from a family level - being the first to be formally accepted on academic grounds into a Uni. That's a big achievement in my family. Really. And it feels great to have successfully accomplished that.

But a good friend of mine once told me that it's not good that one does something just to prove something. One must have the passion and desire to do the thing before embarking on the task. But all my life has been about challenging people. I only took my own path in JC when I chose to take the Arts rather than the Sciences. My interests only lie in the arts so it was a natural choice to choose the arts. Teachers didn't think I would even pass my science subjects in secondary school. I did. Teachers who thought that I would bring down the whole school's reputation for failing Malay lit. And I got an A for that. People who laughed in my face when I told them that I wanted to go to RI after PSLE. People who thought I would never come out of BMT alive. I did. I want to have the satisfaction of knowing that I exceeded someone's lowly expectations and that it was totally unexpected. It's a nice feeling of superiority. Maybe... It's this superiority complex that I'm suffering from? Dang... Why am I speaking so randomly today? Complaining to no one in particular... Sigh...

I so want to be in Montréal right now, buried deep in the snow where no one can ever find me. Lost under my Fugly snowman in Montréal. Just me and Fugly. That was such a great moment.

Travel Journal (Part 1) - Singapore to Narita Airport, Tokyo, Japan

2006-02-14T03:10:00.000+08:00

17 Dec 2005

I couldn't believe it but the day finally came - the day I would leave for a trip that would last a lifetime, the first ever trip I would embark upon alone. Plans were to visit Honolulu (a choice made at the very last minute), New York, Montréal, Québec City and back to New York before returning home to Singapore. This travel journal, though long overdue (because my computer went down the day I got back :P ), will record the events and thoughts that occured during the trip, both memorable and some I would most like to forget forever. They will be based on my own memory as well as journal entries I wrote down in my little book I brought along to write with.

First on the list was the most important of things that I should have taken care of much earlier - how to get to Changi Airport from home and arrive there at around 4.30 in the morning. Moreover, my whole family had insisted that they wanted to see me off. I was very touched. And the thing is, I only finished packing for the trip the night before leaving, having been to camp during the day to see if I had any unfinished work to finish before leaving for about 3 weeks. I could hardly sleep after that but I did and I got about an hour's worth before I was rather suddenly woken up by my Dad's voice in the middle of the morning at 3: "How are we going to get to the airport?" I thought of calling the cab down but my Dad insisted that we could easily get a cab just across the road. We did get cabs within 5 minutes of waiting and then we were off... My heart was just racing like mad and when I saw the Control Tower of Changi Airport loom before me in the cab, I couldn't contain my excitement. I started smiling like a lunatic. :P

Upon arrival at the United Airlines Check-In booths, I found out that it was already pretty full and that only United and I think Emirates was open that early in the morning. Being the eager beaver that I was, I promptly queued in line with my huge haversack and my smaller bag and was asked a few protocol security questions by a nice lady. Having entered another queue to receive my actual tickets however posed a problem - they wanted me to supply the address I was going to stay at in Honolulu. I was damn scared that I actually perspired. I tried calling my buddy whom I was going to meet there but his phone didn't respond. So I messaged him instead and he replied with his home address less than a minute later... PHEW!!! :) Thanks bud!

After I checked in the bigger haversack and promptly got my tickets, I felt damn hungry so we stopped by Burger King to have a really really early breakfast. This time however, my appetite was kinda bad because I started having fears of flying all of a sudden. The thought of being up in the air with practically nothing under my feet except for the plane floor and that frightening feeling one gets when the plane lifts off and lands all culminated in me confiding in my Mom that I was really really scared out of my wits that I even started to shiver in fright. My Mom then reassured me that nothing would happen and after seeing my youngest bro's cute face, I was calm once again... :)

With a face as cute as that, how can one remain frightened of the prospect of having nothing under your feet for the next 10 hours or so? :P

Soon, it was time for me to board the plane as the gates for the plane started to allow passengers to board. Before that, we went to wander around at the Viewing Hall to try and spot the United plane and just to see the planes lift off, so as to calm my nerves. A last photo with the family and then I was off to the departure gate.

A very happy family indeed in the early hours of the morn. Amazing.

At the departure gate, I hugged all my siblings and kissed the hands of my parents. Then suddenly tears started forming out of nowhere. I couldn't believe how emotional I was becoming - and this was just for a holiday in the States! Imagine if I had gone to study overseas - I would have been a wreck in the airport! Then my Sis started crying as well and my tears just became more worse.

When I finally got through the gates after they checked my passport and my tickets, I bade a final goodbye to my family, quickly wiped off the tears (!) and swiftly proceeded to Gate C20. Changi Airport is a really really cool place to linger around in. The shops I saw on the way to the gate were pretty fascinating and they even had a McDonald's within Departures Area! :) Really cool... But I was really kinda too nervous to grab fries or anything so I just went to the gate and waited for my class of seats to be announced. About half an hour later, I was able to board and thus, began the journey of a lifetime: my first ever plane ride alone and to the States for that matter! :)

I prepared myself for the take off. It wasn't actually as bad as I thought it would be. True, the speeding got my heart racing but once the plane flew, I felt at ease again. I kept telling myself that a plane ride was just like riding a bus. In a way it is. And it is because of this that I can happily smile and write on the plane, high above the clouds.

Flying past the Philippines, close to Kaohsiung...

17 Dec 2005, 4.15pm, Tokyo Time

As I sit at Gate 42, awaiting for boarding to begin on my NRT->HNL flight, the sun lies low on the horizon. It is roughly 4.15pm, Tokyo time and already the sun is about to set.

The waiting area in Narita Airport - it's so so clean! I've never seen a place cleaner than this! :) And the seats are very comfortable too!

The plane ride from Singapore to Narita, Tokyo was interesting to say the least. 95% of the air stewardesses on the flight were Japanese and they were all so kawaii! :) Managed to watch 3 whole movies throughout the whole flight - "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit", "Ice Age" and "Fantastic 4". All would have been perfect if not for the fact that since I had asked for Muslim meals, I received Nasi Lemak for my breakfast on the plane. And it was pretty horrid too. But since I was hungry, I galloped it all up. Then, I left my plastic spoon jutting out of my meal box. By luck, my hand would suddenly come down rather violently on the spoon and I created a small mess on my jeans and my shirt. Very visibly stained since a lot of oil goes into the preparation of Nasi Lemak. That was so unfortunate - I was very very embarassed. The flight stewardess saw it and so did the passenger who sat next to me. So... DANG!!!

And when I arrived at Narita Airport, I felt so so lost. I was going to board a plane to connect to Honolulu. The Japanese lady at the International Connections area wrongly pointed me to the direction I was to take. I was supposed to join the queue but she pointed me towards Domestic Connections instead. That was very exasperating. Then, the security check has to be the most embarassing thing ever. Before I put my bag in the conveyer belt, my passport slipped and all my air tickets fell out onto the floor. Then, after passing through the metal detector doorm it beeped. I promptly pointed out that it was my buckle on my belt, but she asked instead for me to remove my shoes and to take my belt off in public. There were tons fo people behind me but I did it anyway. Then with my socks on, she asked me to step through the metal detector door again. And after that, she asked whether she could pit my shoes through the metal detector. That was so embarassing!!! Esp with my unfortunately soiled shirt!!! DANG!!! I guess it's a ritualistic thing to have first-time travellers to be embarassed so severely!!! :P

The beginning of sunset at the airport. That's my plane to Honolulu!!! :)

Playing around with the sepia filter that came with the camera...

It's 5pm now (Tokyo time) and the sun has fully set. It's a lovely and amazing sight. Hopefully, tomorrow morning when I reach Honolulu, would fare much much better. I really hope it does.

Sunset @ the airport. Stunningly beautiful sight - I've never seen the evening sky so clearly delineated by 3 different colours! :) Later in Montréal, I will even see a pink sky during sunset!!! :)

Back in New York

2005-12-31T13:27:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone. It's me again and i'm back in ny. It's currenty 1am in the morning here, having just turned Dec 31. Thismeans that you guys back in Singapore willprobably be celebrating new year's almost half a day earlier so HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! MAY ALL YOUR BEST WISHES FOR2006 COME TRUE :)
Anyway, I arrived here in ny frommontreal via amtrak train and what a jouney it was! Nearly 12 hours stuck in te same seat with a 2 hour delay because of the snow - now that was omething. It wasn't the most comfortal of rides but it has ot to be ride with the most beutiful and pictuesqueviews from a train windw I've ever taken.
I realise tha've alreay left Montreal but sohow I fel tat part of my hart has been left behd. The atmosphere and the people hav left an indellible mark tha would be difficl to erase and I eel that I have to return o this place one day. Perhaps I couldapplyfor McGilll College located in downtown montreal. :P

Bonjour à Montréal, Canada

2005-12-26T04:30:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone! :) Me again! And I'm now in surreally beautiful Montréal, which is currently covered with wonderful snow!!! There was a snow storm before we arrived so it's snow's covered the sidewalks and the roads! :P

That's me and my cute / fugly snowman! :P First one ever!

New York - The Big Apple

2005-12-23T09:41:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone! :P Raffli here reporting from New York!! :P New York's great. I love the sights, the sounds, the smells and the people! They are so jovial and courteous to everyone! And calls me gentleman!!! :P But the weather's really making me feel awful. It's so freaking cold here... Even though I've been wearing like 6 or 7 layers daily... I still cannot stand the cold here. It's not really snowing but the temp's been below zero for a few days now so yeah... and my nose is really not taking it very well. It's been bleeding quite badly ever since the flight from Honolulu to San Francisco Int'l and to Newark Int'l. But it doesn't bleed as in liquid form - more like dry dry blood. Very painful. And it turns red all the time in the cold... Very irritating. Hope it will improve when I get to Canada.

As you guys all know, the transit strike's on right now in New York. It's all over the news. And it really sucks. A real bitch. Damn. My hostel's in Harlem - not much but liveable - and is supposed to be easily accessible by subway. But the subway's down. Even the buses are down. ANd damn. It's causing such a logistics issue. Can't get around as easily as we wanted to... On TUesday (NY Time - 1 day before SIngapore), I had to walk 100 blocks from my hostel to reach Time Square!!! :<>

Visit Times Square!!! And stand in the center of it all!!!
Go to the rooftop of the freezing and windy Empire State Building
See all the bright billboards along Broadway and Times Square in full colour and live!
Watched Phantom of the Opera at the Majestic Theatre!!! --> Ultimate dream. Howard McGillin and Sandra Joseph were fantastic.
Got into the United Nations HQ in New York!!! with a guided tour. I actually got to sit in the General Assembly room! ANd sent a postcard home from the UN Post Office!!! :)
Eat at Times Square twice - Once at "A Slice of New York" and the 2nd at "Bubba's Gum" - the 2nd one with 2 great friends Andy and James, both of whom I met from camp
Ran with slippers/sandals with only a shirt and pants on without any jackets to the nearest Deli at midnight to grab some snacks down the street
Watch people ice skate at Rockefeller Center! -> Bloody beautiful place.
Stay in Harlem - one of the most notorious neighbourhoods in New York and survived 2 nights already.... with a broken down radiator!!!

p>Anyway, I've got one more night here in New York before I depart via bus for Montréal and Québec City in Canada. That would be tons of fun. And then coming back for New Year's to New York before leaving for Singapore on the 2 Jan via Narita again. Wish me luck in Canada and may this stupid transit strike end by Christmas or by the time I get back - whichever is more convenient. Cheers and Merry Christmas from me!!!!!!!! :)

Aloha from Hawai'i

2005-12-19T14:10:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone!!!! :) I'm currently in Hawaii (totally unexpected, really) and I love this place!!! Arrived here last morning at 6.30 in the morning after a 5 hour flight from Tokyo, Narita, having flown there from Singapore previously at 7 in the morning. Phew... Love this place. The breeze is always present... The seas are blue! They are really really blue! And shimmering under the bright Hawaiian sky! Everything about this place is so COOL and SQUEE!!! THe airport is so quaint and cute that they have to use a tram thing Wiki-Wiki to transport the people to collect their baggage! :) Here are a few pictures from beautiful hawaii... Got to go... Internet's expensive here. :)

And the ice-cream's here damn cheap! :P Haagen Dazs Macadamia Brittle's like US$2.50 a pint! :) Cheap cheap! :) Really got to go... :P

I'm leaving!!! Au revoir!

2005-12-15T08:29:00.000+08:00

Hey guys and gals! :P I finally got my tickets confirmed! :) I'm flying United Airlines this Saturday, 17 Dec from Singapore to Honolulu airport! To meet up with my buddy at Hawaii who's currently studying there instead of meeting him at JFK airport so YEAH!!! SQUEE <- A new word I've been experimenting with in camp at work whenever I'm extremely happy. SQUEE!!! SQUEE!!! :)

This is just so so exciting...! :P It was totally unexpected. Earlier on a few weeks ago, I called up UA and they told me specifically that there were no seats available. To have this perfect itinerary is like wow and sheer luck! I kept asking the reservations lady whether they had tix for this leg and that leg and she kept saying yes yes yes!!! :P Very cool indeed. And I had called them on a whim because one of my other friends was goading me to give them a call since Malaysia Airlines still could not confirm my flight... So yeah!... Excellent superb news!!! SQUEE!

I'm still a bit tired right now from yesterday's exercise so I'll continue packing my bag first... I'll put up pictures of my plane tix later today and I'll scream SQUEE again!!! :P

3 more weeks

2005-11-27T17:30:00.000+08:00

AND BON VOYAGE SINGAPORE! AND THE ARMY! WOO HOO!!! :)

I'll be leaving on the 19 of Dec on a flight to New York and on a train ride to Montréal and Québec! :) It's so joyous that I can't even think of words to describe it... Just that it is thankfully overshadowing all the sorrow and anger that has been emanating from my department.

Sheesh... The tension's so tight, you could really cut it with a knife. Being in the office is no longer a good thing... And there's an intense hatred towards our superiors. Even me... I cannot fathom whatever he's trying to do to our dept... Purposely breaking up the togetherness which was so difficult to build up that began during our previous superior's tenure and dismantling all the processes which worked comfortably within our means and helped us achieve what was needed.

I don't know what's happening to everyone but there's a huge rift that's been created and I do think it's his fault. Done on ourpose. I have a feeling.

Changing topics again... I'm leaving!!! :) I can't believe it but it's finally here!!! :P I'm leaving. Wish me luck! Will update again as soon as possible.

Phone blogging...

2005-09-29T21:15:00.000+08:00

Now I really think I'm turning mad... While on the bus on the way home today, I swished out my trusty phone and started... blogging. 6 smses long while standing and I saved it after that in the Saved Text Messages. I was feverishly typing out the message with my left hand's thumb and people on the bus were like O.O and what the heck is this guy doing occasionally smiling to himself? Now, even people think I'm mad. This blogging message actually came out because I felt really really horrible today... Because of something I was tasked to do by one of my superiors, I complicated a lot of matters for some of my friends. And I felt really bad for doing this to them... Really pathetic right? Chastising thyself?...

"I feel so horrible sometimes... Sometimes to the point where I can actually get sick. Why? Due to unknown reasons other than my own ludicrous paranoia and my ridiculous high work drive, up to the point where I can actually still go to work despite being sick. A sick workaholic, that's what I am. I feel so unfulfilled and not right when I don't feel tired at the end of the day. Seriously, and the thing is that I usually and inevitably drag people down with me. Which is really not fair when you think of it because it's ultimately me and not them who's supposed to be tired. Sigh. Maybe I'm a sadist I don't know but something tells me that something's not right with me. Seriously speaking."

And the continuation ensues...

I don't know... I feel so weird when I'm not at camp nowadays. During weekends and when I'm on off. I don't even know why... And something won't feel right if I don't feel tired at the end of the day. I never take a rest in the afternoons when everyone does and I stay in the office as much as possible to accomplish as much work as possible when everyone else is resting. Sigh. I'm mad. And I do feel that if I don't do work, I'll be disappointing someone out there. It could be a colleague in the department. It could be a superior. Or it could just be me. I will always always try to volunteer for everything if possible, even if I'm freaking really tired.

Take school for example. My parents never actually pressured me to study hard, they always tell me to just try my best. But deep inside, I feel that if I don't get stellar results, I will disappoint them a lot. Which is why I was so disappointed with my History A Level results... I put in so much effort but sigh...

I don't know why I'm like this but I always feel the urge to do work ALL the time... if possible without stop. And I keep volunteering for everything I'm asked to do... I don't know why. Suggestions anyone...? Before I turn into a full-fledged workaholic and later on as a nerdy non-stop studying student in uni later...

Blogging on my Diary...

2005-09-29T20:42:00.000+08:00

I seriously think that I'm turning mad nowadays. I've started blogging in my diary (of sorts)... Does that even make sense? Anyway, here are 2 entries I started writing on 27 Sept while in my bunk alone, questioning my existence as usual.

"I feel so incredibly lonely sometimes... I think I'm turning reclusive. I can't believe I still find it so hard to join others in conversation. And keep myself interested. My dept prob just thinks that I'm a cranky moody bastard who's always out to get them. I admit I do seem obsessive sometimes esp when something needs to get done. But I also care a lot about fairness. It's not fair when someone gets chosen to do so many many things but others are not. Why? Because they've been here so much longer and can afford to siam. I don't understand this mentality. And it's apparently only me. Think I'll be stuck working even when everyone else has stopped. And that's usually the case here... Sigh. I'm so dumb."

(10.52pm on 27 Sept 2005)

"My department is so incredibly varied that I'm not sure whether I can tahan all of them anymore. For one, there's this guy..."

(1.22am on 27 Sept 2005)

And I shall leave it at that. I do not want to be found accused of slander so use your imagination guys... :P

Les Imbéciles (Qui est-il ou Qui sont-ils?)

2005-09-16T23:43:00.000+08:00

Crap... Crap... Crap... That's what I've been feeling like for this week and the week before. The attachment out to an external camp was the base for the cake... the thing that's made from flour. God... I have no idea what the thing's called!!! - shows you how much I know about food. I just know that it goes in and that I'll eat more if I like it :P Anyway, the attachment just really truly sucked. Coming into camp early, starting work bloody early - as in immediately upon arrival and ending bloody late every single bloody day. Yesterday, I reached home at 10+... Same thing for today. Thank God it's finally over... I really hated that camp. It had a certain vibe about it that didn't quite agree with me and the ppl there were just sigh... kinda different. I really didn't like the people there... the environment... basically everything.

I really felt like a second class citizen over there, continuously and incessantly being scrutinized by the personnel over there. I realize that I didn't talk a snitch to anyone from that camp at all, being unfriendly as they were. And that exploration of the facilities of the camp consisted of walking from our designated rest area to the cookhouse or to the canteen. And whereever I went with my camp mates, we would be observed from a distance by someone from the camp - scrutinized from head to toe, perhaps a kind of reminder that we were outsiders and that we didn't belong in that camp and should not treat the camp like what we did back in our own camp. I really hate that feeling. And some would actually point at us and say something behind our backs... Sigh. I really am dumb. An imbecile. To let stupid trivial things like this bother me. Or is it them who are imbeciles? Hence the title... Sigh. Stupid idiotic me. :(

And even in an external camp - our humble hq company is much maligned. So much so that we are always seen as weaklings... the unfit ones who do not scramble in the mud and always doing admin work. Which is basically not work in the eyes of those who are involved in the combat side of the SAF. It really is getting on my nerves - and today was the worst. Granted that it was the last day of the exhibition - we really were looking forward to booking out since we would not returning to the camp ever again. Me and my dept mates went up to get our bags from our resting area and came down first because the other guys were taking their time to come down. Resting a while upstairs. Upon arrival to the agreed meeting place however, we were accused (albeit in a joking manner) that we were down first because the rest were cleaning up the place and we were not helping them. Sigh... The accusations that hq must endure... Really really fucking irritating.

And something stood out for me today. And really made me feel pissed for a while. Someone told me to hurry up with the work because get this "I have a life - it's Friday night - unlike you". I hate hate hate it when people start passing judgements on MY FUCKING LIFE. It is my life. I can do whatever I want with it. I can choose not to go out on a Friday, a Saturday or even a Sunday. I can choose to stay in when I don't feel like going home. I can choose to eat shit if I so prefer too which I don't see ever happening but u guys get the idea... It really really hurts me whenever people say that I don't have a life - it invalidates my very existence and thus negates my purpose in living at all. Should I then cease to exist and choose to end my life? No 2 people lead the same lives. I choose my path, you choose yours. Agreed?

Keeping on track though - the ultimate icing on the cake was the Army Half Marathon 21 km run on 11 Sept. Sucked through and through. Worst part was that we had to book in on Saturday evening, sleep at 8pm, wake up at 3am to have breakfast and leave by bus at 4am to reach the padang at about 5+. Really hated the fact that the whole weekend was wasted like this. The run though wasn't bad! :P Me and my bud ran all the way till the 17km mark and I suddenly felt this sudden surge of the total loss of energy from my body. It was so unexpected and I suddenly felt super freaking tired. My bud too was having problems with his legs and feet so we decided to walk the remainder all the way to the end. But the run was a great test of endurance and determination I thought... This simply means that I would have to run more in the future with further distances :) But this does not make the AHM a positive thing - I still hated the fact that it took up my whole weekend. Also, I was limping on Monday and Tuesday, barely able to walk with a sharp pain on both my knees and my left foot hurt like hell. Luckily everything was ok by Wednesday :P

Sidenote : Evanescence really makes a great companion cd to listen to at the end of an incredibly crappy day. The emotions conveyed through the really touching lyrics and great music can really strike a chord in you... Seriously. I was walking home from the bus stop alone in the dark and was listening to "Hello". Very poignant song.

Anyway... The 2 sucky weeks have finally ended. Thank God! Looking forward to coming back to good ole Jurong Camp and seeing familiar faces. The atmosphere and the people. Sigh... Till next...

Unvoiced Lamentations...

2005-09-06T20:49:00.001+08:00

Sigh... I'm damn tired. Damn damn tired. It's only been the 2nd day and I'm already feeling the toll on my body... Sigh. Why oh why did I volunteer for such a stupid thing? But it's just very me to not say no... "Can you help me?" Me: "Of course!" or "Alrighty then!" or "Yup!", all sounding very very enthusiastic without a hint of fatigue and coupled most of the time with a smile when I can force one out of my mouth... Sometimes I feel so damn dumb all the time... Like a duped naive idiot always willing to help others whenever it is asked for. Sigh... What on earth can change me?

Also, some people can so really really get on my freaking nerves sometimes... It really does take a lot of patience to handle certain people...

Sigh... Just too tired to write a proper entry. Will write a longer one tomorrow... Au revoir

2005-08-09T22:28:00.001+08:00

An unrehearsed group photo...

2005-08-09T22:28:00.000+08:00

Oh crap... People found out I was taking pics 'clandestinely'... :O

2005-08-09T22:27:00.000+08:00

In deep contemplation... And the other? In deep gaze... :P

2005-08-09T22:26:00.001+08:00

A curious pic... What are the guys looking at?

2005-08-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

Attentively looking / listening to something... could it have been a very chio girl?

2005-08-09T22:24:00.000+08:00

Caught offguard on the train...

2005-08-09T22:23:00.000+08:00

And the 4 muskateers acting indie all of a sudden... Do u hold a gun's trigger with 2 fingers? :P

2005-08-09T22:22:00.001+08:00

And now they're looking up!!! :P Reach up for the skies... ? Lol...

2005-08-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

The 4 muskateers look down in disdain as if after losing a fight...

2005-08-09T22:21:00.000+08:00

The 4 muskateers

Random Thoughts...

2005-08-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

A person cannot be charged for murder if his intentions are not clear... Wow. Things u can learn from inane shows on the telly like True Files. :P

--------------------

Anywho... Thought the debate just now was just ok... Not too satisfactory. It was rather too technical - they kept arguing what was meant by "private space" and their definitions of this sphere were at loggerheads with each other... which was to the disadvantage of the whole debate since it immediately formed 2 factions which simply would not be able to see face to face - and they literally did not! There was no eye contact at all between the teams and though it was kinda fierce what with the direct 'attacks' when they addressed the individuals by name, what they all brought to the table was not very useful though it was very engaging I must admit.

Let's see... Pointers I picked out that could have helped somewhat. First thing that struck me was that they should have simply compared blogs to personal (physical) diaries in the form of books. This would have set off a comparison of sorts that could have been dynamic. For example, diaries can really really be intimate. Secrets that you really do not want people to know and you can bring it along with you everywhere you go and the security of its contents depend on you and only you. A blog however is of a totally different nature. Blog contents are undeniably affected by the fact that you know people read it. Precisely because of this, your writings are somewhat skewed. You have this nagging thought in your head that people will read this, and especially if you know that friends read your blog, you will skewer your blog to suit your audience. You will not spell out a person's name in your blog as it can directly be read by the person himself and if he knows who the blog belongs to, the repercussions will be felt by you and you alone. And you cannot stop people from reading your blog, unless you put a password on your blog. Even this is not safe enough. Blogs can be easily hacked as can be seen by Xiaxue's hacked blog recently. Thus, the security of your blog itself falls on the company's server on which your blog resides. Thus, all this would simply mean that a blog cannot be truly a private and personal space on the web. The fact that it is on the web itself is a declaration that it is a public space since all webspaces on the web are public. Phew... that was a tiring feat.

But, there is such a thing as the Copyright Law on the net. As it is with print media, the law does recognize the fact that webpages are also intellectual property as it is a personal expression using words and graphics and what have you nots. Therefore there is a protection of personal rights on the web. This however does not contribute to the debate's topic I think. :P Personal rights does not equal to personal space. Personal space refers more to privacy and of freedom of speech. With so much red tape going on and with some webpages saying that you are liable to be under the laws of your own country, it's the same as saying that you're not able to practise the freedom of speech that some countries enjoy. What personal space are we talking about then?

Lol... :P Those were just my thoughts. But I have to admit that I personally felt Madrasah Wak Tanjong had the topic right from the beginning. I felt that the topic was more to be opposed than to be agreed with and thus... I think the right team won. :)

Hey anyway... All these words abovementioned are just my own personal thoughts... Bludgeon me not!!! :P

Interesting...

2005-08-06T20:48:00.000+08:00

BLOG ADALAH RUANG PERIBADI

or in English...

THE BLOG IS A PRIVATE SPACE

Wondering what on earth these things are? It's actually the topic for this year's Malay debates (Bahas 4PM)... :P Interesting topic esp with the hacking of Xiaxue's blog happening very very recently. Very nice topic chosen. The debates are happening right now... I'll update later on after the debate's finished... :P Quite a difficult fight I must admit. VJC vs Madrasah Wak Tanjong. We'll see the outcome later... :)

Random Rants

2005-07-31T17:05:00.000+08:00

OMG>>> Yesterday's piccies of the parade turned out very very very sucky... Why? Because I used the wrong perspective for my digi cam... Everything was taken using the close up mood!!! Crap. That really really sucked. All the fireworks and the spotlights - all taken but all appeared very very blur. I'm not even in the mood to post the piccies here... :(

But I did find something awesome today though... A superb video of Wicked of the tour cast with Stephanie J. Block (Elphaba) and Kendra Kassebaum (Galinda/Glinda) while lurking at the Wicked forum @ http://www.unexamined-life.com . Superb superb video. It shows Stephanie defying gravity with her broom and Kendra singing Popular - Luv luv Stephanie but totally hate Kendra's voice. Totally wrong for Glinda - her upper register is very very weak. And her attempt to reach the soprano notes were really really bad... Very very thin. She is bloody funny though... Her lines for Popular for example, "Instead of dreary who-you-were... well, are / There's nothing that can stop you / From becoming popu-ler ... lar!" are totally hilarious - her head shaking after making a 'bad' rhyme was so incredibly cute! She does that a lot in the show plus a lot of hair and skirt-swishing to emphasize the bimbotic side of Glinda. She is so superbly funny and cute but Glinda is not her voice-type character... :P Download the vid here.

This just makes me want to see Wicked on Broadway even more!!! The question is whether there will be tix for me and my buddy to see it or not!!! News is that Wicked is sold out for the whole of this season and next. We'll see but I think I'll just positively die if I don't watch this show!!! :P Plus Phantom!! :P

Last bit: 1 more rehearsal left for NDP this Saturday on 060805 and then... The real thing on 090805! :) Very very excited. The hype around this year's NDP is really really good! :) I'm seeing posters everywhere and the advertisements are on on the telly every what 10 minutes or something? At least they didn't overplay the Rui En and Taufik song unlike in McDonald's. I couldn't survive studying in Mac's now... They replay that song every 2-3 minutes or something... Incessantly! :P

Anyway, that's all from me for now. :) Till next...

Piccies are up!!!

2005-07-29T11:16:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone! :) The NDP piccies are finally up!! :)
You can find it @ http://community.webshots.com/user/rafflifantome
Enjoy! And don't worry... The photos archive will be updated routinely with newer photos :P

2005-07-25T23:15:00.001+08:00

A buddy piccie

2005-07-25T23:15:00.000+08:00

A group piccie

2005-07-18T00:25:00.000+08:00

Last pic for tonight! :P A taste of the awesome fireworks...

2005-07-18T00:21:00.000+08:00

The lights again...! Notice the way they point to the sky... The lights for the 'stage' come from the lower half of the light stands. Floodlights which are capable of changing colours really really fast! And you can see the screens used for projections... Really nicely put up.

2005-07-18T00:13:00.000+08:00

The spotlights in the sky I was talking about... The potential is there but it really depends on the condition of the skies... A cloudy day like this simply made the effect very 'muffled'. It had just stopped raining that evening so it's understandable I guess... :P But they're really really very beautiful to look at and perfectly timed to the music!!! You've got to see this live!

Renaître...

2005-07-17T23:25:00.000+08:00

Hello people. I've finally decided to crawl out of my shallow grave to bore the brains out of everyone again... :P A lot of things have happened lately, all pent up in my small little head and I really fear that everything will really make me become mad one day if any more info (or data as a friend adamantly insists) keeps insisting on its right to reside in my mind...

First things first... Fantastic 4 is really really a superb movie! :) Not because there's Jessica Alba and her costume's all that tight... but that it's a pretty good transition from comic to cartoon to movie media. And it's replete with campness that is pretty hard to do on a high budget film such as Fantastic 4. The jokes are rather cheesy but that did not stop me from laughing heartily at some of the things they did. The Jessica having to take off everything to get past the police officers and crowd thing was damn hilarious... And the dejà-vu thing later on garnered laughs as well! :P But the burger on fire was the best one!!! :) Loved that part... The ending was as all endings... happy... The group managed to resolve their differences in time to defeat the evil enemy who was literally turning into metal... The effects were pretty cool too... But the containment of the super nova was a bit too unbelievable! :) Overall nice show! 4 out of 5 stars! :)

And NDP!!! Do u know I'm involved in NDP??? :) In the ration point over at City Hall. Uber cool show this year... Short but uber cool. The best thing about this year are the lights and the fireworks. Seriously. The field at the padang changes colour so quickly that it's almost magical really! Blue one moment, a fiery red next and a strangely alien green next. Really really cool. And I love that they use a lot of florescent colours on the props and costumes that actually glow in the light! :) Really really nice there... But the best thing about the lighting is definitely the spotlights that align the padang and constantly point to the sky like they're calling out to Batman. It's a really cool effect... It was superb last week since it was a clear sky but this week was rather 'muffled'. Couldn't really see the lights having a defined edge like last week. Will post a photo soon just to illustrate. The effect is really cool! When Rui en and Taufik sing the phrase "Reach out for the sky"... The lights swing into action as they change their focus to the sky! :) very very nice. And the fireworks... Not to spoil the fun... Look out for some really really special fireworks this year... Really really superb!

Those are the updates as of now... It's really kinda late... And I do have work tomorrow so... :P Will update again tomorrow when I get back :)

A very very busy weekend :P

2005-06-12T16:31:00.000+08:00

Lemme see... Friday was both the worst and most awesome day ever this year... :) My BMT buddy who is in the camp just beside mine asked me whether I would be interested in joining fencing at Balmoral Plaza, plus a movie afterwards. The journey to the fencing center itself was kinda perilous - I had to wait for about an hour for him at the bus stop coz something cropped up at his camp... :P

Anyway, the fencing school was pretty cool. It's at Balmoral Plaza and the school's called zFencing, perhaps as a homage to the French pronounciation of 'the' as 'ze'? Lol... :) Anyways, the ppl there were really cool with us planning to join and even managed to get us private coaching on Saturdays from 4.30 to 6.30 until we were up to standard with the other youths in the school... Youths meaning 13-20... The two of us being awkwardly the oldest among the batch. :P

After that was the fun part... Going to Lido to catch a movie but not before having dinner at Heeren. The plan was such that we were to watch Ghost Train at Lido but somehow or rather that fell through because my bud's recourse bmt buddy wanted to watch a movie too. I was ok with anything so eventually the movie of choice became Mr and Mrs Smith. Great movie with many comedic moments. Brad and Angelina looked very cute together, especially when they looked at each other in the movie as husband and wife. The plot twist was extremely simple but when both of them found out each other's secrets... hilarious. Point blank. You have to catch this movie just to see them do a 'dangerous tango' of sorts when this revelation appears to both of them. Very funny. To say strictly, this wasn't really an action movie, neither was it a romantic movie. A mix of both I guess? Though I would have to say that the movie was more of an exploration of marriage woes and how they are resolved, though in a more larger-than-life household which is anything but ordinary. Nice movie. 3.5 stars out of 5.

Halfway through the movie, my bud had this crazy idea that we should watch Star Wars Episode 3 all the way at Cathay at 2am. That was nuts. But he somehow got me to agree. Shit. So right after Mr and Mrs Smith ended which was at 1.50am, we ran down Orchard Road to Cathay and got there at 2. Seriously. We were panting like shit when we arrived! :P Only to find... there was no Star Wars at 2!!! Only at 3.20am... Damn late yes... but since we ran there already I didn't feel like giving up. And my bud kept telling me how good this bloody movie is... So I agreed. Why oh why must I say yes to everything in this world?

Star Wars Episode 3 (beware-spoilers abound) - I've never been a fan of the Star Wars franchise, mostly because I never managed to watch a single episode in its entirety. But this movie bowled me over. Though I still think that the actor who played Anakin sucked big time... His "I'm angry", "I'm depressed", "I'm shocked" (I'm not sure he said these things but he talked about his emotions a lot :P) all sounded the same. Same tone and expressionless. It was very disheartening that such a central character couldn't really act out all the emotions required of such a complex character. Especially since he had so many things on his mind... but he simply looked like he had no care in the world. But hugging his wife at the end of the day. And Natalie Portman was as gorgeous as usual though her hairdos this time - some of them were really aweful. But the thing about this movie was that it had a lot of heart and a lot of humour to boot. Plus the inclusion of some very emotional set pieces... though the fade to next scene transitions were very irritating... :P The betrayal had me in tears... Seriously. Especially the scene with the younglings asking Anakin what to do... And he yielded his glowing sword thing (now I remember what they're called - light sabre). That was really sad. I cried. And his conversation with his wife Amidala was also very heartwrenching... His disillusion with serving the Chancellor caused him to accuse his wife of falling in love with Obi Wan and he nearly killed her with the Force (Dark Force). Sad. Anyway, the fight sequences were really really cool and they tried to explain some of the things that happen in the later movies/episodes by inserting various things in the movie... For example, the most obvious being how Anakin becomes Darth Vader. Though you have to question the Chancellor (who was a Sith lord!!!!) how he came up with the stupid name. And I never actually saw the Chancellor teaching Anakin anything despite Anakin having to bow down to the old guy many many times... Lol. Anyway, very very nice show. Most of the movie was CGIed so I guess everyone had to act in front of blue/green screens which would have sucked a lot... I remember Ewan McGregor mentioning this in one of his interviews with the press, that the experience of acting in Star Wars was becoming very tiresome and very difficult since they had to imagine most of the things in the scenes they were in. And the green master, the adorable one was very cute... Especially when he jumped and flipped all over the place, with his very adorable quotes... With some being very quotable... Like for example, "Attachment leads to jealousy" -> which is very true! :) The betrayal as I've said is the best thing about this movie because it's the most heart-wrenching part of the whole show... 4.5 stars/5 stars :)

The worst thing about the whole movie watching experience was having to endure and stay awake till the end of star wars which ended at about 5.30!!! Meaning that I would arrive at home at 6!!!! That's the latest ever I had been out. I was damn afraid what my parents would say... They didn't ask me about anything at first... then when they came back from their marketing on Saturday... I explained everything and they were ok with it... As long I was ok and reached home safely. :) Phew...

Saturday was my first fencing lesson. And I was nearly late... Taking taxi to Balmoral took quite some time... When we arrived at the center... I was stunned. It was filled with litte children fencing and I felt very very intimidated. Very weird right? :P We were told that the school had engaged one of the coaches to teach us individually separately from the other zYouths :P Which was kinda nice because I was very intimidated with the youths too especially when they were wearing their fencing suits. Basic movements in fencing were quite difficult to do at first but after many repetitions they were quite ok and quite fun! :P Moving forward, and moving backward was quite fun after some time especially when we managed to start lunging and poking this dummy bag and the strategic positions its imaginary chest and abs. "Forward... Forward... Backward... Forward 3 steps... And lunge!" Very tiring lol! :P And always positioning yourself such that your feet are shoulder length apart was quite tiring too... and lowering your body to balance yourself was kinda difficult at first... :) But everything turned out fine... Until we managed to grab hold of our foils!!! :) That was really fun... We had to "vite" (sp?) each other by hitting each other's foils against each other's... Really fun... The sound of the two foils beating each other was really cool. :)

Anyway, after that I had to rush to Jurong Point to meet my sis, my 2 brothers and my parents for some shopping. Got meself gray Converse shoes and a few t-shirts... The jeans will prob come later this month! :) As you can see, a rather tiring weekend... Hopefully more weekends turn out like this! Then my bloody NS will end faster! :) Speaking of which... I shall install a countdown timer on the 16th of June at the side of my bloggie... to count down till my ORD!!! Which will be exactly a year left on the 16th of June!!! My ORD? 160606!!! :) Together with one of my best buds ever I've met through NS. :) Cheerios and till then!

2005-05-31T13:09:00.000+08:00

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies

This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

Green Day - Holiday

Exasperated

2005-05-31T11:47:00.000+08:00

Lately, I have been feeling very strange... asking myself a lot of questions regarding my presence and function in my little department in my camp. Why? Because as of late, a lot of our ability to 'work' has been questioned by a lot of people. And these people purport that me and those in the team have never done work or even if we did, we never did it well. Fuck. I cannot stand it. I was like sitting in front of them in the office and they started questioning the function of having such a group in the department with no stores to handle themselves. It came from their very own mouths: we didn't do work. I was seething inside. I clenched my fists. I kept my mouth shut. I just left the group and sat alone at one corner of the office. And I started feeling miserable. It's been like this ever since we were given those 2 days of off by our superior... endless statements that we did not do work or we sucked at our jobs. Fuck. Shit. I couldn't stand it anymore that day. So much so that when everyone else had left the office, I started a little entry in my little shiny green book. To vent a bit of my anger... I shall transcript it here word for word.

"300505

There is a clear dichotomy in the department and it is one that I am totally helpless towards: the people who do 'work' and those who don't. Apparently, some people think I never ever do work, only lazing around thinking about mindless things such as what to do with my sordid and pitiful life. And how to whine and cry about it alone afterwards. It really disheartens me to the core; my heart felt a pain when I heard the very words coming from their own lips: that the 3 or 4 of us (I'm not sure if they resent this another particular person) have never done work, and even if we did, we never did it well or that we were only good from one thing: to delegate work to other people. Fuck. If the only definition of work was physical work plus the sweat flowing down our bodies, then I'd just say... FUCK!

We try so hard to put a good image of ourselves across to the others by becoming very friendly with them and not to ask too many favours of them lest they think we are shirking our responsibilities. We try asking them very very nicely when we need to check their stores as part of our rather vague job scopes; if they wanted us to do our full job, we would have to tear their stores upside down to find faults which they have to rectify THEMSELVES and in so doing, they would just have more work to do. The paradox is as such: if we do more work, so would they and it would always seem that we will be doing much less than them since we never actually handle the stores directly. Sigh. It's a really sad situation, that we are never able to redeem ourselves fully in their eyes. The only way to fully do so would be to prove ourselves during deployment exercises involving resup. Which will be pretty late: probably end of this year or next year in Taiwan. It's infuriating.And there really is this big bully who never ceases to point out that I an supposed to work as/for him though I am under clear and strict instructions not to since I have handed over to him. Maybe he resents me to the core since it was me who handed the appointment over to him. I dunno.

Once again, I feel that strange feeling that the whole world is against me. A tidal wave of intense opposition surging towards helpless, whiney, crybaby me. I love cheering up other people's days but when I'm done, no one does that for me. In fact, sometimes they bring me further down my emotional abyss, by taunting me and jeering at my insecurities. A smile on my face nowadays is but an empty façade, a shield against a cruel world with a vengeance against... me."

It's really becoming very tiring to even be in the office when so many people demand a validation of your very presence, nay EXISTENCE in the bloody department. And it's really tiring trying to defend yourself. I mean come on!!! I'm here. We're here. Deal with it. And we have our own job to do... you do yours, we do ours. And we fucking actually do work! Damn it! Dammit!!! Would you fucking want to handle a dozen stores with people from the other coys whom you do not know at all??? Huh!!!!???? And get the fucking cold shoulder all the time??? Fuck. I'm so damn pissed sometimes. Now I am.

I have not taken a SINGLE BLOODY MC OR LEAVE... and I have not taken an off for a very bloody long time... for preparations for this huge event which lasted what... 3 or 4 days? Fuck! When someone takes a half day off on a Friday afternoon of all days so that he can have a long weekend, do you hear me complaining? It's your own off... you can do whatever fuck you want with it. And I will do whatever else I want with mine. I know I have too many offs to count but it is a result of doing a lot of shit for others do you all know??? I have not missed being at a single function ever since I arrived in this bloody camp do you all know? And I always try to help as much as I can... running from place to place like some mad man lunatic loon.

Grrrrrrrr...... fuck.It just makes me so mad. And someone actually told me not to take the 2 days of off given from my superior if I wanted them to believe that we as a team actually did work, as in menial work. As a retaliation. Wtf. If they had so many objections to the matter, why did they not raise it up at last parade when our superior actually asked if they had anything to say about it??? Why? Oh... I get it. They think that we are being protected by our superior(s) right? That we are little ducklings hiding under the huge wing of our father duck. That with one fell swoop will just brush off all opposition. I don't get it... Why this image? I mean... We stayed up till nearly midnight that night... those in the bunk bore witness to this definitely? That we didn't come up till only at midnight? Also, why are those with no appointments not facing this same problem? They have no job!!! Contrary to us who have a job ... and people choose to believe that this job is not 'work' in their dictionaries.

And this morning really really pissed me off. My superior went to the office to find out that certain people were not there. 'Dancing' apparently. If I were him, I would have been pissed too. Those who were supposed to go for the run were not there. Especially this particular piece of glob who claimed that it was difficult to wake up early because... they were tired. He spoke for them and I'm not sure that everyone agreed. Tired is one thing yes. But laziness is another. They are not the same!!! Geddit! He dared to speak against an order... They will get it from me if they show this same attitude towards me or any of the specs or any of the senior specs or to any officers. Especially to the officers.

Anger. Anger. Anger. Grrrrrrrr...

I suspect that one of the problems is that there is too much friendliness going around between everyone. Too many people calling each other by familiar names... and not by ranks. Ranks have to be respected in the army. And too many vulgarities are spoken within the office like they were some everyday word you would use like 'you' and 'I'. A sentence would suddenly end with a 'fuck' or a question would be denoted by the increase in tone of the last word which would usually be 'fuck' or an exclamation would be sufficient as an exclamation with the use of 'fuck!'. Wtf. There is a lady in the office for God's sake and there are people of higher ranks in the office!!! I've told the glob so many many times already not to use vulgarities but he never learns. I give up.

In fact, I give up in trying to use my energies to help other people and their problems. I have too many of my own to cope with with no one helping me. I can no longer be bothered to be remotely interested in another person's problems unless they were my best buds in the world. It's too much for me to handle... First - not being recognized for doing actual work and secondly of being accused of not wanting to help when I simply cannot be bothered... Why? Because they will just turn against me again as usual and all past deeds will be forgotten.

What the heck... A friend told me that some things won't hurt you (as much) if you don't mind it. It's becoming too difficult to have such a mindset. In fact, it's impossible. I want so much to scream at all of them for being so lax and indifferent about anything that goes on in the office. For talking back to people. Simply disrespectful. Bloody rude. For not respecting ranks. I'm not one to bother with ranks but some people just deserve it seriously... Shout: What the fuck do you all think you're doing!!!??? But come on... We are all mature adults. Able to talk about this in a mature manner. Bring it on then.

The End...

2005-05-13T21:58:00.000+08:00

Of Beautiful Illusions on Channel 8!!! Superb series though I thought the plot was a bit too contrived to be realistic... I mean come on. How can 1 girl without the help of others think of such a sadistic scheme to plot against 1 person's whole family!? But I must say that the show was ingenious. The plot was like wow...! And the actors and actresses are in a league of their own! This series had like some of the best acting I've ever seen on Channel 8! Fann Wong was incredibly believable as her turns as Joanne and Yixin... The transition was faultless... And her ability to act is totally evident in this show... :)

I'm not very familiar with the other faces in the show but they were all great! The girl who played Xiaofen was pretty good at acting kaypoh and really started getting very irritating when she wouldn't stop talking :P And the guy playing Fann Wong's brother was pretty good too... And the scary thing was that he was taking law at NUS. And that caused him to go totally berserk over his sister... And intentionally kill Xiaofen. He was studying to be a lawyer... At least he should have the common sense to think that something would happen to him if he did (even if accidentally) kill Xiaofen, Hua and Sheng's mom... :P Would I go crazy when studying for me law exams??? :P

Anyways, great show! And Amazing Race ended on Wednesday too... :-( Superb show again. Always wanted Uchenna and Joyce to win... And they did!!! And that taxi driver at Miami could have cost them their win!!!???? Stupid american cabbie drivers... They should have just run and finished the game then go back to the cabbie to pay the guy... Hope NY drivers are not as demanding as that guy...

A New-Found Identity

2005-05-07T18:48:00.000+08:00

Yay! I'm officially a VT member!!! Under the nickname of what else but rafflifantome!!! :) This new group was introduced to my via a member under the nickname of leonik. Thanks! :)

Friday was my official first VT meeting with the others at the Tiong Bahru Market Place and Hawker center :P and it was a very eye-opening experience. People sharing experiences about countries other than Singapore and just talking about their lives in general... And I'm officially now the youngest one among them... Before it was leonik... Sigh :P I was damn tired after work but the prospect of meeting other people other than my own friends and my camp mates! :P

After that we went to the Bali Village, situated next to SAJC and I had my very first mocktail - seabreeze! Very nice! :) Unfortunately I didn't bring my camera around to snap shots of everything so that was a pity but :) it was an enjoyable experience nonetheless.

Saturday was the day we were to have a trek through the Nature Trail at MacRitchie to cross the HSBC Canopy Walk suspension bridge!!! :) Exhilarating! I met up with the other VTers and were all totally super nice to me! :P Got pics for the trip... You guys can visit the pics at the following page :P

Thanks leonik for introducing me to the world of VT. May there be many more such enjoyable VT outings... PS: So sorry this entry was late. I have been a bit too busy as of late and do not have the time to update my blog as often as I want to... Sorry guys! :P

I'm in a New York State of Mind

2005-04-30T16:19:00.000+08:00

Yay! I just broke the news to my mom and dad yesterday that I would be spending Christmas and New Year's Day in New York and they said ok! Imagine just me and a buddy of mine from camp who's gonna fly there from Hawaii spending about 10 to 12 days in NY! The Big Apple! Now, to get them to contribute funds towards my holiday there... :) I think they finally see me as being grown-up. Finally. Since I turned 20, I realized that they do not bother me as much with their many many queries eg. Where have u been? Who were u out with? What time is it now? Sigh. I guess... I've really finally grown up. :)

Now to the nitty-gritty details... How should I get a cheap ticket to NY from Singapore? I thought of taking the SIA non-stop flight to NY but it's like $2000++. There's a cheaper alternative with United, costing between $1200-$1400 that has 2 flights... One stops over at Japan for 2 hours... The other stops over at France for 12 hours. Sigh. But if my friend is flying to NY from Hawaii, he will most likely stop over at Japan rather than France on ANA or JAL. Sigh. But France!!! That's like the dream vacation place! :) Paris, Charles De Gaulle airport... i mean Aéroport CDG. Sigh. Anyone else knows about cheaper alternatives, sms or tagboard me k? Thanks!

And I've planned to watch so many Broadway shows. Phantom of the Opera at the Majestic theater. Wicked at the Gershwin theater. Avenue Q. And whatever else is there... :P Sigh. I can just imagine me at the theaters... gushing and gasping at the rising chandelier at the start of the prologue of Phantom. And screaming when it falls. And gasping again at Elphaba flying with her broomstick at the end of Act 1. Wow... I can just see it.

And snow! Snow! A real white Christmas! With ice skating! This will be the very first time I will ever see snow. Fake or real. It's really the first time. And I'd really love to see the huge Christmas tree at the Rockefeller center... Wonder who will be there this time? Last year was Beyoncé I think. I wonder who it will be this time... And New Year's at Time Square with that big ball descending... That would be damn cool. :)

Will update after I get my itinerary planned and once I have got my fingers on my plane ticket. :P

2005-04-26T22:24:00.000+08:00

Found this witty parable on http://www.everything2.com

Very thought provoking.... Though I'm not sure what thought it provokes... Lol. I just realized that Sesame Street was what most of us grew up with... And I think I owe most of my English vocab to that show... :) what do u think?

8. Ernie and Bert were at home. Ernie was standing before a blank canvas wearing a smock and a beret and holding a palette and a paintbrush, as though painting. 9. Bert approached Ernie and asked Ernie what he was doing. 10. "I am finishing a painting," he replied. 11. "But what have you painted? I see nothing," said Bert. 12. Said Ernie: "It is a picture of a cow eating grass." 13. "Where is the grass?" asked Bert, pointing at the blank white canvas, 14. to which replied Ernie, "The cow ate it." 15. "And where is the cow?" asked Bert. To which Ernie replied 16. "Why would the cow hang around if there is no more grass?"
Sesame 6:8-16

Reunion!!!

2005-04-23T12:58:00.000+08:00

This is out to all you RJC peeps! :) There will be a huge batch reunion (class of 2002-2003) on 25 June at the new RJC campus at Bishan. A committee's already formed for this thing so all they seek is your support and presence at the above event. I'm definitely going for this one!!! :) I better apply for leave very soon. edit: Just checked. It's a Saturday! :) I definitely need to go see the others - the guys and the gals. Been like what? Nearly 2 years already? sigh....

For more info: visit the following sites... :)

http://rjc2003.tripod.com/

http://xantheus02.blogspot.com/

See all of you RJC people there on 25 June 2005!

Lame lame show...

2005-04-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

Wah lau... Eye For A Guy 2 really really sucks. Every guy is really treating the stupid show as a game with a prize at the end - a European trip with Denise. Not as a chance to know Denise better at all; I doubt she will actually hook up with any of the guys after the show ends. Sigh. Anyway, there seems to be discordant tone throughout the show... the natural Singaporean accent tinged with a bit of Chinese stuck out like a sore thumb and fumbled through everything... those with accents (I still haven't figured out who has which accent) just sailed through. Sigh. I have got to learn an accent soon - probably British since it sounds so refined or American since it's so streetwise. :-) There's still hope then - perhaps a fake accent will help.

I Miss The Past

2005-04-16T22:47:00.000+08:00

I went to West Mall today to get my ranks sewn on my no 4s today in the afternoon. Bloody expensive I must say but well-worth it since I simply could not be bothered to go to Beach Road, so far away. Especially important to have the ranks sewn nicely since I have CO parade on Monday morning. Avec ma soeur. And an umbrella. When I went out of my house, it was raining damn heavily. The umbrella was a necessity but when I arrived at West Mall, the rain had either stopeed or it hadn't even rained yet. The walk around West Mall with me sis drew stares... Unnecessary stares at my trusty umbrella. I think they were all wondering why I was walking around with an umbrella on my hand. It rained just now for God's sake... Maybe next time, I'll paste a board on my umbrella - "It was raining just now" just to explain the presence of this ramrod straight stick clenched around my hands. Sigh. The things people do when they have nothing else to do.

Anyway, had the opportunity to have a very small lunch (more like a snack) avec ma soeur at McDonald's and ordered drinks and fries. Ordinary yes. But when I poured out the fries from the red box thingy, the quantity appalled me. It was large-sized yes but the quantity did not justify its price - it was more like for medium fries. I remember a time when the large fries filled up half the tray, now it's like a quarter. Sigh. This downsizing was also apparent at Long John's which I went to on Monday, KFC and even Burger King! Sigh... Albeit in different manners. Long John's chicken and fish - they are like 1/3 the original size now. Bite-sized I might say? A terrible pity since I loved Long John's - I guess I won't be there as often as I would like to. KFC? It's the chicken. I remember a time when the chicken was so huge that you wouldn't be able to finish a 2 piece chicken meal alone... now even the thighs and breasts are what... kinda small. Pity. And the burgers - the Colonel's and Shrooms burgers are damn pathetic... You can finish each one in like 2 bites. Sigh. And Burger King - who can deny that the burgers have somehow shrunk save for the Whooper burgers? A huge pity since I remember a time when their marketing campaign used to feature the sizes of their burgers as the main attraction. And I would always leave Burger King feeling totally full.

And now all of that has changed. I totally understand the fact that businesses are finding it hard to survive in a more volatile market controlled by major and expensive currencies like the US dollar, British pound (which I still think is insanely expensive) and the Euro, but is there a better way to solve this rather than downsizing their own products in order to cut costs? A price hike would be worse off I understand because I would never pay more than $6 for any meal at a Fast Food restaurant but... sigh. I miss those times when Fast Food was so filling. Now it's just like a snack, albeit damn unhealthy. Now I will eat Fast Food like prob once or twice a month.

I miss this. I miss that. I miss so many things. I miss school. I miss wearing the school uniform. I miss my classroom. I miss HOMEWORK of all things. I miss morning assembly. I miss being late for school. I miss lectures. I miss all my BMT friends. I miss all my course mates. I miss all my school friends. I miss being the only child. Sigh. But the good things was that I had ma soeur to complain to today. That was nice. And she told me to get a girlfriend. I should - I know. So that I can talk over anything in the world with her - I think that would be my motivation - to just have someone I can talk to about anything at all at anytime I would like. Provided that she can tahan my eccentricities and nerdy exterior. One of my raison d'êtres for university. Hmm... My ultimatum? If I can't find one during Uni, I shall remain a bachelor and have my own pad somewhere in the city. Or overseas. Whichever is better. :)

That is to say that I basically really miss the past. Reminiscing makes me cry sometimes. Just last night I found myself tearing a bit when I looked through some of my BMT pics. I've lost contact with so many of them - sometimes totally forgetting their names. It's the same with some of my school friends. But missing the past is just like mourning over spilt milk. Useless. Futile. What can I actually do other than just imagine what the past was like? Dream up a time machine?

Reflection

2005-04-13T22:30:00.000+08:00

I have invaded someone's privacy and I'm truly sorry that I've done so and have caused intense discomfort to the person. I am sorry. This is meant for the person who has strived to find this blog. :) No hard feelings?

Anyway, I went to Jurong Point today with one of my best buddies from camp (how many best buddies can one have? Isn't the term 'best' already superlative? Lol.) A simple dinner. A simple walk around the premise. But I will try and cherish more outings with him - he's going away soon though he refuses to tell me when. This makes me sad - people going away after they've completed NS. Acquaintances who will start a new life when they leave the army. Though I hope that we all still communicate with each other after we've all left the army (I must admit something though: once I leave the freaking army, I'm gonna get a new no the day I get out ;) Friendships are to be treasured. That's my strong belief - one that has gotten me through years of my life. :)

A Whirlwind...

2005-04-12T09:13:00.000+08:00

A rather lengthy update guys on 2 rather hectic days - filled with fun and joy at meeting friends, some of whom I've not met for about a year plus.

On Sunday, some of my department mates coaxed me into watching Install at Cathay Cineleisure which I decided to go for, although I had just been there the day before watching Beauty Shop. Great outing... Nice to keep up to date with department mates and how they feel about NS - just like me. The hatred is something we share in common I believe. ;-) The movie left a bitter aftertaste... I'm not sure because of the weird storyline (about a 10 year old boy and a 17 year old girl who pretend to be a sex chat goddess online) or the fact that it burned $8.50 of my money and I didn't enjoy the movie at all. But I didn't really mind. It's the fact that I was with my friends out enjoying myself on a weekend that was the purpose of the day.

There's a strange feeling inside when you're with friends for a change, and not alone walking the lonely Boulevard of Broken Dreams of Singapore sometimes. I always wander around Jurong Point and sometimes Orchard alone when no one can accompany me on my purposeless walks. It feels weird. As if people are staring right through you and dissecting you there on the hard tarmac floor, seething inside with some distaste towards my unattractive dress code or the way I walk. Call me paranoid or insecure... but that's what I am. A bit too self-conscious I must admit. But the walk along Orchard Road made me realise that my life is made up of just 4 things: y family, my friends, my books and Phantom. :-) Important things I hold dear to my heart.

And on Monday yesterday, I decided to go for the annual RJ Symphonic Band concert. Very well done concert with all the pieces done superbly but the main purpose again was not the concert itself - it was meeting up with some really old school friends and supporting them for their alumni performance. People like Andrew, Lionel, Gary, Weibin, Edison, Ibnur and Ichwan - good buddies of mine during school and till now, some of whom have known me for nearly 6 years liao, since Sec 1. It was a very nice feeling to finally actually see them face to face since I had not seen many of them ever since NS began and how they have all changed! NS really does that to you - no matter how much you abhor the bloody thing, no one can admit that the experience has not changed them for the better. What NS has mostly done for me though is this - I have made so many good buddies whom I will never forget for a very long time and I would probably never have met and made friends with if not for NS.

Which reminds me that one of my best buddies brought a cake to camp yesterday morning that he and his mom made for my birthday, a very chocolatey cake which I totally loved. It was really important for me to share my birthday with all my camp mates because I felt that I owed them so much for being a great friend to me, for lending a hand or a listening ear whenever I felt depressed in camp. Thanks so much guys! And gal! :-) You guys are the best!

So here's to all my friends past and present (both from school and all I've met through NS) -THANKS for being such a great buddy! :-)

And finally - HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Can't believe I'm finally 20. No more 'teen' attached to my age. Woah. 20 years passed by just like that. And about 12 years of that was spent in school. What's another 4 years of education compared to 12 years?

A Trip Down Orchard Road

2005-04-10T01:13:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone... Just came back 2 hours ago from Orchard after watching a movie at Cathay Cineleisure with one of my bestest buddies ever. :) --> Beauty Shop. Very funny movie with Queen Latifah, Alicia Silverstone and Kevin Bacon.

Queen Latifah literally carried the whole movie on her shoulders. Luckily she had enough pizzazz and well-timed humour to carry it through... The whole movie would have been totally stale if not for her presence.

And Alicia Silverstone was totally cute in this movie. Her Texan(?) accent was so cute... and her hair was funky throughout though I thought when she first appeared in the movie was the cutest ever- two ponytails on both sides from the top of her head, very Baby Spice ;-) She was so loveable in the role! I totally couldn't resist always looking out for her - she sounded and looked so innocent though when she talked to the others, it showed that she knew more than they thought she knew... :P Things like sex and that sort of thing. And her dance at the night club. Damn sexy. And damn funny. The other ladies were like shocked when they saw her gyrating on the dance floor!

And Kevin Bacon... Hmmm. Not sure what to think. He was supposed to be this gay guy from some European country, Sweden I think. He looked the part. He acted the part. But I'm not sure if he was believable enough. I'm pretty sure a swish of the hair and the nose thing he did in the air maketh not the gay man though I may be stereotyping a bit here. Sorry if I offended anyone. But the movie's a good and satisfiable movie.

But be aware of the plot. It's very thin. It veers on serious issues such as inter-racial relationships and the importance of family relationships but simply skims over them. You're never actually shown how they actually feature in the movie and how they're solved because they issue is gone before you even get to think about it. Anyway, watch the movie. The lingo was a bit difficult to understand but once you get a hang of it... It's just a laugh-fest most of the time. :)

And I finally found my beloved Avenue Q Original Broadway Cast Recording! At first, I wanted to buy it at HMV but couldn't find it. So I bought it at Borders instead where I received my first birthday present from my buddy! Thanks! :) Deception Point by Dan Brown... :) You've gotta love Dan Brown. The plots he concocts are like mind-numbing! Like Da Vinci Code. That is a hoot of a book. It became the talk of the world and it now has books discussing the things inside Da Vinci Code! Well imagine that... Another novel explaining a novel. Sigh. :) And Avenue Q is a total blast! Though I have to be careful when I listen to it loudly in my room. The words like "fuck" and "dick" can be clearly heard so I have to be kinda careful around my parents before they start questioning what the heck I actually listen to. "Schadenfreude", "If You Were Gay" and in fact every song in the soundtrack is just superb! :) Can't wait to watch it if I manage to go NY with some buddies in Broadway! Watch Phantom as well and Wicked!!!

And anyway, Orchard is a very interesting place to be in during weekends. Can observe a lot of strange going-ons. I love eavesdropping on people's conversations when I'm like caught in a sudden crowd like at a traffic stop. Strange discussions ensue and I love listening in on their accents... and try to determine whether they are fake or not. Many teens now love adopting strange accents ie American or British and some of them are really totally fake. Like when they start using sentences beginning with "like" and ending it in the same vein. Or when they start bitching about someone they really don't like.

Also, the dress code is still kinda difficult for me to emulate. I'm still not certain what street fashion is... but 2 peculiarities stood out like a sore thumb today. There was a group of teens at the mrt station dressed like total punks with their leaher jackets and leather pants and their mohawk hair cuts. They looked totally ridiculous. I'm not even sure if what they wore was real leather... if it was even leather! Anyway, they would have just died in the heat that has sweeped over Singapore recently. Another one was a couple. The girl was ok but the guy... He looked like a girl with a pink shirt and a girl's plastic hair band. And it didn't help that his hair flared up above his head and he was carrying this big bag on 1 of his shoulders... those kind that girls like to carry their thingies in. Was probably his girlfriend's. Lol.

Anyway, that's all from me till tomorrow where I shall be at Cathay again to watch Install with about 2 or 3 more good buddies of mine from camp. See ya till then! :P

A Cool New Blog...

2005-04-03T10:57:00.000+08:00

This is a super cool new site. It's called PostSecret and that's what it basically is. Anonymous people send in their postcards with their secrets on it and send it to the address given. The premise is alluring and tempting. Confessing a secret to the world anonymously, getting it off your chest and no one knows who you are. And it is posted on the site. And some of the secrets are kinda shocking but some really hit home. Some are too close for comfort. Seriously. Maybe I'll send in one soon...

PostSend

Songs with great lyrics... (At least in my opinion :-P)

2005-03-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

Here's a great thread to begin... Some of the many songs I've encountered have superb lyrics that have a message to convey or just an emotion to evoke or just stirs something in you that is inexplicable. Here are some of them. If you have any more songs (I'm damn sure there's a lot out there), just suggest them in the tagboard or at the comments link at the end of this post, k? I'll tr and add them here. Hmm... Just a note: It's best to quote a part of the song and not the whole thing. Coz this thread would be damn long if each lyrics was actually the whole song! Thanks! To start the ball rolling, here's my fave song at the moment.

Natasha Bedingfield : Unwritten
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Notes: Love the chorus of this song. It talks about the individual having to take control of his or her own life, through one's actions and thoughts. You can't expect someone to tell you what to do and you cannot expect things that have not happened to happen out of complacency. You have to live your own life, your own way. I just love the metaphor of the unfinished book representing one's life. Very nice.

Wicked The Musical : No Good Deed
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?

Notes: This song really has to be heard and seen (since this is a musical) in context. Lemme set it into context first. There's this green witch in Oz called Elphaba and her friend Glinda (who just so becomes one after the school dance). They both seek to change the world of Oz with their many ideas and dream of working with the Wizard of Oz. Elphaba finds out that she is being used by him as a scapegoat and she sings this song in desperation for she believes herself to finally become the Wicked Witch people call her because she has 'failed' helping everyone she tried to help. Her spells either backfire or do not work as they are supposed to and she is blamed for everything wrong that goes on in the land. This song is where she doubts the sincerity of the doing of good deeds. She questions whether she did everything only out of attention-seeking or was it out of a pure sincere helpful heart. It is a question worth asking ourselves sometimes too.

Update...

2005-03-26T12:03:00.000+08:00

Hello again guys. The photos from the Siloso Beach outing are up on the net. Click here to download the photos in zipped format. Quick though. It will be up for only 7 days, starting today, so it should be there until next Sat. Be patient too. Yousendit.com is kinda slow but it's very reliable. Enjoy!

Department Outing to Sentosa (240305)

2005-03-25T15:55:00.000+08:00

A Collage of the day's pictures... :-)

Here are the pictures I took on this very enjoyable day, the 24th of March on a department outing on Siloso Beach, Sentosa. Click on the collage above to view all the pics. But if u want higher quality pics, message me on MSN for those who know me. I'll send u the things in zipped format. :-) Enjoy!

2005-03-24T00:14:00.000+08:00

And a final pic with platoon buddies again. Before everyone went their separate ways. Bittersweet. Still miss everyone. Why am I being so sentimental? I'm not very sure too. The rationale for me putting up these pics is that I accidentally came across an old platoon mate on friendster and msn and this prompted me to relook my bmt photos. Sweet memories. Sad memories. Horrible memories. The potpourri of emotions cannot be explained in words. It is simply an experience.

2005-03-24T00:12:00.000+08:00

The wonderfully symmetrical buildings on Tekong. This is of Ulysses coy. My one true company. Though we had the unfortunate luck of having the red tracks at our doorstep. Fully utilised by our superiors for our 'benefit'.

2005-03-24T00:11:00.000+08:00

The morning before the POP parade began. Everyone psyched up to leave since the night previously was the most tiring night ever - 24km route March. A mix of happiness and sorrow. I tried to keep my emotions undercover.

2005-03-24T00:09:00.000+08:00

Another view of my bunk. Was quite comfy I have to admit. Unless they had standby bed... Shudder

2005-03-24T00:08:00.000+08:00

The superb view from my bunks window. Can really see Changi Airport from this window. And the view of the sea is spectacular! The planes to and from the airport can be seen in the skies all the time. Always had to look at the night sky for a while before I went to sleep. Admire the beautiful night sky, the serene sea and the planes.

2005-03-24T00:04:00.000+08:00

My platoon buddies and I (central) at the parade square at Tekong before we left for our mandatory 24km Route March. One of the best and most tiring experiences of my life. Cried like shit when the thing ended because I knew the day after, I would leave all my god friends in my platoon. I still miss all of them.

2005-03-24T00:02:00.000+08:00

This is my cupboard half-opened as you can see. It's empty coz most of my stuff was already gone from the previous week of bringing some things home. Miss this trusty cupboard and my comfy bed. Heard this story from my bunk mates that one night when I was on MC, my cupboard started shaking and making noises while everyone was asleep. Scary stuff eh? Not. Also, one morning when I woke up, I found a long strand of wavy hair under my pillow when there was nothing there previously. Needless to say I was stunned as it was clearly a woman's strand of hair. Lovely memories.

2005-03-18T00:06:00.000+08:00

Me acting as if I'm in deep thought. I think it was just the sun in my eyes.

2005-03-18T00:05:00.001+08:00

Again the deep contemplation. But with an added bonus -- delicious Lay's chips!

2005-03-18T00:05:00.000+08:00

In deep contemplation. I'm not very sure what but all of us just kept quiet and stared at the sea.

2005-03-18T00:04:00.001+08:00

A group photo... smile everyone!

2005-03-18T00:04:00.000+08:00

On the taxi on the way to Costa Sands East Coast

An Interesting Dissection...

2005-03-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

One of my buddies sent me this link which produced a very interesting analysis of personality via only a picture of the face. Results... are as follows... Below is a screen capture of the thing... :) I'm apparently 90% Chinese with 10% of Japanese/Korean features... No wonder all those aunties keep speaking Chinese to me!!!

The analysis given...

And this is what they had to say about me. Most of it is rather accurate I must agree. Seriously! Especially the part about me wanting to use people who are comfortable with me to help get things done for me but in the end deciding not to seek their help!!! That is very me!!! Anyways, this is what they said...

Personality Profile:
You have social courage and as a consequence are open and extroverted. You are seen as a well known person who is liked and is involved in many social events. You feel confident about your position in social situations and will not hesitate to say what you believe. You do not like too much responsibility, but you do not mind being in the social center. You must know everything that is going on in your greater social circle and spend a lot of time talking to others to find out the latest gossip. You tend to be friendly, but can be criticizing when you see others as thinking of themselves too much.

You prefer to work in challenging people oriented jobs where you can compete against others and rise in the ranks. Others usually like you but can sometimes be intimidated by your outspoken comments and criticisms although they do not show it. People tend to feel comfortable around you and respect your opinion. You can use this social weight to get things done for you but usually opt not to call in favours people owe you.

Your view of other types
You tend to like Boss types and try to get close to them, as they possess the intimidating factor and confrontational attitude that you lack. You regard Academic Types as mostly withdrawn from life and too uppity to interact with. You associate with some Blue collar and White collar types, and find that these are the people that mostly want to hang around you. You see Artist types as attention seekers and are often the person to criticize them. For this reason, Artist types envy and fear you. You may enjoy the risk taking personality of Gambler types, but you also think that they are loners. You see Drifter types as social dropouts.

Other types' view of you
Boss types like you but they dont always trust you. Academic Types have very little in common with you, therefore they avoid you. Artist types tend to avoid you because you may attack them verbally due to their personality differences. White and Blue collar types like interacting with you, and they sometimes envy your charisma. Gambler types may deal with you if they think that you have something useful to offer them. Drifter types may associate with you, but they generally believe that your archetype is stuck up.

Alpha Charmer:
-More ambitious than Charmer Expected Occupations: Corporate Executive, Real Estate Agent, Politician

Charmer:
-More fun-loving than Alpha Charmer Expected Occupations: Sales representative, Teacher, Aesthetician, Hair Stylist, Artist, Actor, Social Worker, Manager

Talking to Myself

2005-03-15T21:45:00.000+08:00

I'm positively mad (and maybe even gay!! - more on that later...) Lately, I've been talking a lot to myself. Not really vocally as in using my mouth to make strange inexlicable sounds to myself in the mirror but through my phone. Calling myself? Nah. That would be too weird to comprehend. What I mean is that I've been SMS-ing myself amusing things that do nothing else but to amuse myself and to remain in my inbox so that I can refer to them when I'm feeling down. Some of the things I sent are like 4 SMS-es long! And they either explain a feeling I'm experiencing at that particular moment or just a little thought that came to my head out of boredom. I sent myself 4 such messages today and 1 on the 10th of March. To see a bit of what goes on in my little head, here are the messages in full, grammatical and spelling errors et al. Peruse at will and judge how strange I am. That I would even send messages to myself. Which reminds me of Mr Bean sending Christmas Cards to himself=Pathetic loser. Am I becoming one too???? :O Oh no...

1 March 2005 (6:54:29am --> Mad)
Sometimes in this world, you must learn to hope. Even if you stand a bloody slim chance of achieving whatever it is. For example, exams. After you've slogged for many fucking months, it's nice to see your efforts bear fruit in the form of good grades. But that is rare in my case. Hope has always been there to let that glimmer of light show that I can do well, the potential. I was aghast when I found out I failed malay lit during my prelims.
(Note: I probably was supposed to complete this entry in another SMS but seem to have forgotten about it because after this, short messages between myself and a few of my friends follow. You can guess what type of banter I would have engaged myself in.)

15 March 2005 (10:49:19am --> During break)
Life has taken a downhill slant. The constant replay of daily events create a sense of monotony, one that has affected my emotions negatively. I look dismal, with the occasional smile displayed as artifice. A mere showing that i am not dead. ;-) and events unfold at a super slow pace so much so that time does not seem to move. The heat is not helping either, making me wet all the time from sweat. Freshly bathed does not repel the stench, i know. :-P

15 March 2005 (11:14:52am --> Still during break)
Life is fraught with difficulty. But the adversity of life is what creates interest. In the form of ingenious (sp?) plans to overcome them, man has evolved from the petty being that depended solely on nature, to that that can harness everything to their own advantage.
(Note: I love this thing. It came out out of nowhere. And it sounds very nice. The meaning too has some truth, at least in my opinion.)

15 March 2005 (08:07:48pm --> After dinner with 2 of my best mates)
And once again I have been proven wrong. I do have good friends who are willing to listen to my problems, willing to utter their opinions about me. They say it to my face and i am glad they act this way. Their honest remarks come out of sincerity, out of a willingness to partake in a small part of my life, and they are anything but negligible. language is something that i consider my forte and i have honed my speech to not have a single tinge of a malay accent from 4 years in secondary school. But somehow or rather, apparently, they (the) way i speak and the high tone i use, have garnered me the label 'gay'.
(Note: The controversial one. I'm still not very sure why this label sticks but I have ascertained that part of the reason is the way I speak. Not sure if I speak funny but it definitely has a part in this stupid hullabaloo. I am not gay. Serious. Possibly another reason is the way my hands move. Or my body. Or both. Sigh. I do not know and I do not want to change myself. I cannot change myself. It is against my principles. It's up to them to accept me or reject me. And I don't even know what they mean when they call me that. Sexual orientation or effeminate in nature??? Fuck. I don't care.)

15 March 2005 (08:24:55pm --> On the bus on the way home)
Lonely.
I am a pebble in the grass.
The grey among the green.
The miscast dilletante in a sordid world that only seeks to destroy.
Or am i the one?
Who will seek to destroy those who wish to do so?
To wreak havoc in peace.
To strum the silent strings of a guitar?
Questions. With answers unknown.
(Note: An attempt to sound intellectual. Don't think it sounds and looks nice enough. But what it essentially encompasses is a single question. Is the world out to get me or will I get the world first? It sounds negative in this context but I meant to mean that I will make a mark on the world, that is before the world starts to destroy me with its malicious lies and what-have-you.)

TV Defies Logic

2005-03-12T20:53:00.000+08:00

Today on the telly, having nothing to do, I watched a Malaysian drama on Suria channel. It was a nice show but there this 1 part which made me cringe. Incessantly. This lady was being seeked and she hid in a man's house. This man strangely allowed her to stay with him though he hardly knows her. But that's not important. What is is the part where she gets kidnapped. This house is located beside a school. Which is occupied with students. Packed hour. The van stops outside the house, 4 men jump out and proceed to punch the brother of this man who has kindly agreed to help her in the house. In broad daylight. He is bound with cloth and scotchtape and they then proceed to bound the lady's hands and blindfolds her. They then push her into the van outside the house, directly outside the school's main gate. WTF? What on earth was the show trying to show? Intense public apathy? That its viewers were too dumb to figure out abnormalities in the plot? Lol. Will add some more strange things when I see them.

Random BlogThings About Me

2005-03-01T11:41:00.001+08:00

Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

You Are the Investigator

5

You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker.

You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does.

Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations.

You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it.

What number are you?

One's Purpose in Life

2005-02-20T13:54:00.000+08:00

Purpose

PRINCETON
Purpose,
it's that little flame
that lights a fire
under your ass.
Purpose,
it keeps you going strong
like a car with a full
tank of gas.
Everyone else has
a purpose
so what's mine?

Oh look! Here's a penny!
It's from the year I was born!

It's a sign!
Ba-ba-ba-ba
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
I don't know how I know,
but I'm gonna find
my purpose.
Gotta find out,
don't wanna wait!
Got to make sure that my
life will be great!
Gotta find my purpose
before it's too late.

I'm gonna find my purpose
could be far, could be near
could take a week,
a month, a year

At a job, or smoking grass
maybe at a pottery class!

Could it be?
Yes it could!
Something's coming,
something good!
I'm gonna find my purpose
I'm gonna find my purpose

I'm gonna find it!
What will it be? Where will it be?
My purpose in life is a mystery
Gotta find my purpose
Gotta find me.

I love this song. Such a simple song with a simple ditty and lyrics but it holds so much truth. It's from a musical called Avenue Q which tells the lives of a few close-knit inhabitants of a small neighbourhood called Avenue Q. The thing is, the musical is all about actors and actresses with a amazing voices controlling puppets, much like Sesame Street. But while Sesame Street taught educational values, this one teaches the facts of life in a revelatory manner in a way no one can imagine. The songs are superb and tickle the funny bone throughout. It's amazing what musicals can actually teach a person. Purpose is what drives a person to achieve his or her goals but what happens when one does not know what one wants? It's kinda sad. All my life, I've only strived for the best for myself. The best academic results, even when my parents never even pressurized me to do so. It was a kind of self-motivation. But now that I'm at the threshold of my academic life, I'm not sure what's next.

Yes. I have got NUS law. But what will drive me to do well this time? I seriously do not know what will be in store for me. I know for one thing though, that all my siblings will be in school, esp my youngest bro who will be in K1 next year and my sis who will be in poly this year, hopefully taking her hospitality management course at Temasek Poly. That's a lot of people for my family to support. Plus my university fees next year will totally sap all my family's finances to an even worse condition. That means I will have to work. Have had that in my mind for quite some time but never actually got around to getting a job before. I'm probably the only teen in Singapore who has never worked before. Thus, all these will be in my mind and schedule while I slog it out in uni. So many things happening. Sigh. For now I guess, the aim is just to complete the law course well, as well as my life would allow it to be and what my constantly shrinking brain can accept.

But one's purpose in life differs. "My purpose in life is a mystery" - That got me thinking a bit. I always loved the theatre. I wouldn't mind sacrificing everything I had for a chance at getting involved in theatre which is why I have been vying the double degree in Law and Arts/Theatre at Monash since last year. Broadway, West End. The lights. The attention. The ability to be someone you are not. Something about that attracts me. Scinitilates a small part of me to break out of my nerdy and self-conscious shell. Theatre allows one to do that. Be someone you are not. It is highly seductive. Let's see what the future holds. I'll definitely be joining the theatre club at NUS and maybe perhaps one day, you guys may see me on the stage one day at the Esplanade? Crossing my fingers. A dream. If my parents knew about this, they would positively kill me. (postively kill - lol). They would just think I'm mad.

Another Beginning

2005-02-17T22:15:00.000+08:00

It's the end of my first year of NS. On this very same day last year, I was conscripted into the bloody army. And this is the beginning of my next year. Exactly 1 year and 4 months left till my NS ends and uni begins. Both difficult phases of life, the end of a difficult life under the supremely hierarchical NS and then the most difficult state of my educational life, NUS law. It will definitely be even harder than my A Levels which I had to fight hard and strong to even make it through with ok grades, though many would beg to differ.

Anyway, on the eve of the beginning of my 2nd year in NS, I have only one prayer. Whatever comes this year, I shall take it in my stride. I just pray that God will give me the strength to see me through this year, and that I will not be as depressed as I was when I began life at my new unit. That was probably the worst time of my life but I have learnt to adapt. Adaptation. That's what humans were created for, to adapt well to their environment. Reinventing one's self to suit wherever it is that one lives. I shall try. For now, it's cheerios from me.

A Quickie

2005-02-05T14:00:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Blue - Curtains Fall, Blue - U Make Me Wanna

Hello again everyone. I'm back again with a renewed spirit. Still vengeful as ever towards NS but feeling somewhat ambivalent about life in NS. It's not so bad now since I have a constant pillar of support with my friends around me... Always willing to lend a helping hand, ear and even entertain me whenever I'm down. I'm ever grateful to all these people who have helped me tide over the worst of times.

Actually was looking forward to this weekend since some of the course guys were planning some outing to Orchard to buy some Chinese New Year clothes. I was planning to buy Jay Zhou and Kylie cds at HMV. It's been put on hold at the moment because of some other commitments the other guys have. It's totally ok with me. :) Maybe I'll go out with my sis to Jurong Point instead? Seriously need to return my library books. Think they're like 3 weeks overdue or something.

Anyway, I received an email from the Really Useful Group (Andrew Lloyd Webber's company) who's in charge of bringing his musicals to the whole world. In reply to my inquiry (or is it enquiry), they said...

Hi – thanks for your email. Yes both shows will be coming to Singapore. Bombay Dreams 2006/07 and Phantom 2007. No further details at the moment. Keep checking our website http://www.reallyuseful.com/ for news.
With best wishes.
Query Master

Hooray! Yeah! Fantastic! Superb! Cannot wait! Perfect timing... 2006 is when Uni starts and 2007 will be my 2nd year in NUS! Wow... Still reeling from the short burst of supreme happiness just now. :) <-- beaming smile

Blood on my Hands

2005-01-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

As depressing as the title suggests, today was actually an excellent day. My mind was totally off work today for once and I was able to immerse myself in the joys (or lack thereof) of fishing for prawns. Which reminds me... about a conversation I had on MSN yesterday night (a rather long one) with another of my best friends about the current trend of verbifying nouns (or something along that line). Prawning. Eeling. Squiding. Crabbing. haha. Lol. It's these sort of things that just brings a small smile on my face.

Anyway, had breakfast with Siti, Halim, Khai Ming and Andrew (department colleagues) at Toh Guan in the morning. Enjoyable breakfast. Just relaxing in the morning air and looking at joggers pass by and vehicles whizz by to rush for work. Then we left for fishing. Or prawning. Or whatever you want to call it. Rather enjoyable morning. Partnered myself with Don and we slowly tried to catch the prawns using what miserable skills we had. At the end of the day, with the blood of cockles (we used cockles as bait) stained forever on my hands and some cuts experienced due to the vicious claws of these feisty prawns, we caught 6. 6. Doesn't sound like a lot does it. But it sure did bring smiles to both our faces. We were so delighted to catch the very first one. Great day. Loved every moment of it since it was away from work. No thoughts in my head. That was the advice some of my friends gave me.

Another Maddening Stare in the Face...

2005-01-05T20:35:00.000+08:00

Today, I spent most of the time moping around lifelessly with a humourless face, wallowing in the murky depths of inexplicable sadness and a strangely empty feeling inside. Depression again my friends told me. And now I have found out that I frequently talk in my sleep, whenever I sleep in my bunk. I utter utter nonsense. Stuff like "I don't know Sir!", "I REALLY don't know Sir!", "No no no!" and "It's my fault?" Stupid nonsensical stuff like this goes on each night apparently. It amuses me that I actually think about Army crap in my dreams and my arms actually move around during these bouts of conversing with my thoughts. But one of my best friends is beginning to get really worried about me. He thinks that I'm suffering from too much stress. Stress. And he really understands me quite well. I'm beginning to think that he is right.

My head continually hurts all day long and a pimple just emerged last night on my forehead. It's making the headaches worse. Much as amusing as that sounds, it's slowly hurting more and more each day, each time I'm given something to do. Each time I'm told I'm in charge of something. I hate it when my superiors tell me "blah blah blah... I'm putting you in charge". I hate it even more when they tell me (actually it's just 1 person) 1 day in advance. Or even a few hours before the thing. It's so damn fucking irritating. But ironically, it hurts me most when they tell me a few weeks or months in advance that I'm in charge of something. "We'll be having an exercise next month. I'm putting you in charge of everything." Fuck. Something then happens in my head that sends a painful shock to my heart. And everything works together to create this huge headache that throbs in my head.

I hate my life. My life as a subservient bastard who cannot refuse anything. On the way back home today from camp, I started sobbing silently as I tried to recall anything whereby I refused to do something. I cannot. Even in school, when the teacher gives a piece of work that has to be done by the next day, I would not protest at all and would do it diligently even if it took me way past midnight to finish it. And I would usually be the only one to finish and hand it in. In school, I purposely created this veneer of invincibility around me such that in whatever CCA or club that I was in, I made sure that I wouldn't stand out. I would sit at the back. Listen quietly to the meetings being held. Keep quiet when they voiced out the need for questions from the rest of the group. Then leave. That's me.

That's how I would have wanted to be in the Army. But fuck. I'm given this fuck job. Actually I'm not the only 1 being chosen to be in charge of all these things. I know the rest are given these things too. But I somehow feel that it is totally fucking unfair. Just because I am new and meek, it does not mean that you can bully me. Yes. That's the feeling. The feeling of being bullied. It's the same thing. How do I know? Because I was bullied quite a lot in school. Made fun of. Teased of. But I tried to block out all that by studying really hard, and coming out tops in most of everything I did. Even managed to beat all my cousins and past family generations by going to a top school, getting good grades and going to university (going in 2006 in the law faculty), the 1st one in the whole family to even do that. But in the army I cannot block out all these things. They linger in my mind all the time because I stay in the office obssessed with finishing work which I never manage to finish because I have other stupid things in my mind, all running on together with datelines in my head. The green uniform is a fitting reminder of that which cannot be erased. The green. Ugh. So disgustingly green.

This is so depressing. Even typing this out in my comfy home is depressing. But I feel that I have to pen down my feelings for today. If not, there will be no outlet for these manic feelings in my mind. Maybe in my sleep. And I'm quite frightened by what I can actually do in my sleep if not looked after by my bunk mates. I had really sickening thoughts while showering at home after I came back. Things that concerned height, a sharp blade and even some stairs. I don't think I'll say what these things are about but I really cannot stand the fucking army life anymore.

And I know I cannot stop being in the army until I bloody ORD. I'm stuck in a muddy quicksand pit. Going down. With nothing to support an escape. I hate the thought of me rotting to death in an institution that is concerned with appeasing the higher achelons of the army and seemingly, in my opinion, that being its only purpose for its existance. We as the lower classes are seemingly chosen to serve. Not the nation. But the people who are of higher ranks than us. And these people can be oh so cocky. You greet them and they flit their bloody eyes thinking we're not there, that we're just the fucking air that provides them the comfort they need, turn their bloody heads to the side and walk by. It's just so exasperating. I really cannot stand such ignorance. I know it is like every male teen's thought that the army sucks big time. But can't they fucking change some things that are making it such a bad experience for everyone?

Sigh. I really don't know what can improve things. Perhaps see a psychologist like what my good friend suggested? Or maybe I can see a doctor to ask for relaxants? I do tend to exxagerate things to such a large extent that I surprise myself with the thoughts I come up with. Something as simple as moving benches and tables will become this mega huge project involving like 10 people. Sigh. I suck. Either that or my life sucks. Sucks because of the people sculpting it, I apparently have no hand in it.

In the Shadow...

2004-12-30T22:27:00.000+08:00

Got this off JinWei's blog... Sorry there mate... :P Thought it was very interesting. Got the results I thought I would get beforehand... Sad isn't it?

Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and unique. You are quite distant from emotion and people, but you have been made this way by one thing or another. You are truly unique yet fail to see it, and are quite creative be it in art, music, writing, ect.. You used to let people in now you don't even bother to try having been hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude is that you don't need anyone but yourself, people are just trouble waiting to happen. But you really do want to trust someone no matter if you see it or not, deep down your waiting for someone to come and set you free. This kind of depression can turn dangerous, don't let them get to you. Not everyone in the world will hurt you, humans are humans and are not perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps your shell will eventually disappear.
.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

Anyway, something else has happened that has sent shockwaves through the whole world, as well as at home. The tsunami disaster that has hit SEAsian shores... together with Sri Lanka and the Maldives. Cannot believe that it happened the day after Christmas. Cannot believe that it happened while there were many holidaymakers on the many beaches when it occured unexpectedly. So many families together... Perished. It's very very sad and it has a very profound effect on the way I view and treat my family members. Seriously. And today was the 1st day I took the courage to look at pictures depicting what had happened during the moments when the huge waves hit the shores. And I was stunned. Bodies floating on the water. Buildings smashed to the ground. Children, mothers crying. It was heartwrenching. I'm not sure what I can do as a single individual. But I'll try what I can. I've been donating a bit to friends who have come together to collectively collect some cash and supplies to be handed over to the Red Cross. I know it's not enough. But... Sigh. Let's all say a prayer for those who are still missing, have perished in the disaster or have survived it. We should all tide over this together, irregardless of nationality, race or religion.

Ok... Here's a little part of a song called "Purpose" from the Broadway show "Avenue Q"... There's this guy called Princeton who is rather disillusioned with his life after 10 years of being with a B.A. in English but has no job to support himself with. Great show. Very true to people's lives...

I'm gonna find it!
What will it be?
Where will it be?
My purpose in life is a mystery
Gotta find my purpose
Gotta find me.

A New Obsession...

2004-12-28T11:41:00.000+08:00

Hello people. I'm not so depressed any more. Taking the whole of this week off. So I won't see a glint of camo green except that in my cupboard. Good riddance. Damn frigging tired of the army and damn sick of it. I've accepted my sordid fate. Sigh.

Anyway. I've got a new thing to obsess over now. To go absolutely mad over now. To go googoo gaagaa over. It is...

Encounters : The Phantom of the Opera

The new movie starring Emmy Rossum, Gerard Butler, Patrick Wilson and Minnie Driver has just been opened here in Singapore officially on the 23rd December 2004.. But I managed to watch a midnight sneak preview during a weekday. In total, with the one I watched yesterday at West Mall Eng Wah (which had horrible speakers), I've watched it a total of 4 times!!! And that's still not enough in my opinion! The movie is excellent through and through.

The day I watched Phantom for the first time in the largely empty Jurong Point GV cinema was the day I entered a state of speechless euphoria. I was in awe of everything. The moment the overture started. I was taken aback. It was so beautiful to the ears. Jarring chords. Loud. Deafening even. That was how good it was. And this was at midnight. :)

Anyway, the sets are gorgeous and large... though I thought the lair looked kinda cramped and smoky... too many candles burning and too much smoke. The Opera House is a beautiful set complete with plush red velvet seats and an enormous chandelier made specially for the movie by Swarovski. Expensive definitely. And the stage they have... excellent to put a production of Phantom the stage version in the movie!!! It's just me being a bit mad. And the lair. Dark gloomy. Just as I imagined it would be. What I would pay to be in that boat rowing across the small canals together with the splendidly beautiful Emmy Rossum. And the most spectacular moment was when the chandelier fell. This mammoth of a behemoth falls down from the ceiling without so much as a warning and falls on the screaming audience... starting fires all over the opera house. Loved the moment. It was so dramatic and over the top. The Phantom would be proud of his accomplishment.

Emmy Rossum - Sigh. What can I say of her? Pretty. Beautiful. Ravishing. Lovely hair. Lovely voice which can be improved further if she trains harder. Pouty lips suitable for long bouts of soft kissing. And she has that wide-eyed innocence thing perfected to a pint... that mindless look that says "I'm not thinking anything". And she's got electrifying chemistry to boot too with Patrick Wilson as Raoul and Gerard Butler as Phantom. Seriously. You should look carefully into each couple's eyes when they are together. It's so sensual at times...

Just like the Point of No Return. I thought that it was the sexiest version of the song yet. Emmy wears this dress that has these shoulder things... slips i think that reveal the shoulders. That keep... guess?... slipping down. In the beginning. One slip slips. Then she pulls it up again. Next the other slip slips. Then she pulls it up again. Then when she's singing with Gerard (Phantom) in the duet... both slip at that exquisite moment and she knows how the audience will love this moment. I did. Then Gerard did the 'pull her close to him' thing then held her hands as they went slowly across his tummy, her breasts and her neck. It was so hot it was flaming. As was the stage. There was real fire on stage. Wow.

So you guys should seriously watch this show. Wonderfully exceptional show. And get the movie soundtrack too... the one with the pink cover. That says "The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack Special Edition". About $31 at HMV Heeren if I'm not wrong. That's where I got it from. Oh yeah... from now on... I'll include a quote for each entry I do. Till next time. Cheerios and Happy New Year everyone. May your dreams and wishes come true for next year. 2005 yeah baby yeah!!!

"Remembrance was a Buddhist philosopher's trick. Rather than asking her mind to search for a solution to a potentially impossible challenge, Vittoria asked her mind simply to remember it. The presupposition that one once knew the answer created the mindset that the answer must exist... thus eliminating the crippling conception of hopelessness. Vittoria often used the process to solve scientific quandaries... those that most people thought had no solution."
(Angels and Demons, Dan Brown)

Bouts of Depression...

2004-12-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

Over the past few days... I've been encountering a problem. Depression. It looms its face every morning in a green form. Full of green, while it robeth itself onto me. Every morning. In the mirror. It's not the extreme kind though. It's just a moody thing. I'd sit at one corner of the room and become reclusive for a while, not speaking a word to anyone. Or I'd go to my store, close the door, switch on the lights and stare into blankness for about 2-3 hours. I did that yesterday. I was so damn sad. I'm not sure why though. My heart felt so heavy yesterday and I didn't feel like communicating with anyone at all. And when I woke up yesterday to go to camp (having been granted stay out for the day before), I just didn't want to leave my bed. I contemplated reporting sick. I contemplated AWOL. I contemplated jumping down from somewhere so I won't have to report into camp. Contemplations but thankfully not acted upon. All these thoughts kept swirling in my head all morning. I couldn't stop thinking depressing thoughts. Perhaps if I say what's been bothering me, it could help. Haiz... Sigh.

Responsibility has never really been my thing. I hate the thought of it. Never actually ever been given an important task before in my life, being in the army is a whole new world. Please don't butcher Aladdin. It's nothing, nothing similar to that beautiful world in that movie. It is worlds worst. Responsibility is a big thing. It is one of the things that builds a person's character. But if you're given at least one responsibility every day and are given a time limit, it kinda sucks. I keep getting chosen by my superiors to do this and do that. They'd smile and say that they're putting me in charge. Crap. I hate that feeling. You're put in charge of something. You don't know anything. I just hate that feeling. And it happens over and over again. Sometimes, I just felt like shouting at them then I don't want no fucked up task. No not me. Put someone else in charge I beg of you!!!

But no. They choose me. They have at least 4 other choices. But they keep choosing me. And I have a feeling that it will go on until the end of my NS tenureship. That thought... It kept me awake for nights and days... And it occupied my mind for most mornings... and usually days as well. Getting chosen while others are not. They look free I'm not. I know it's wrong to compare. One of my close friends in my department... I smsed to her that I wanted to either post out or ask for overseas attachment. She was not in the camp at that moment and she panicked a while. So did another friend from STC I smsed. I just felt so lonely yesterday. Dunno why. I share my problems with only a few people in this world. Even my parents don't know how depressed I am about the army. Serious. Only my closest friends do. Also, many of those I'm close to in the department are going away soon, ording. I will still be there for a year and 6 months. I don't know what I'll do without them. I cannot imagine a department without them. Also, I cannot stand a few people in the department. I shall not disclose their names but I just cannot stand them. They irritate me like mad, they irk me like mad. I cannot stand working with them anymore. Which prompted the posting out/overseas attachment thing.

The lady in my department... she told me that given a task is actually a good thing. It shows that my superiors trust me. Trust is a great thing in the army. It's like a luxury. Not many people can be depended upon to do certain things. But I just couldn't see it her way. I just felt being 'arrowed' for everything but for no reason other than it being convenient. They know I won't retaliate. They know I won't object. I'm the submissive kind. Sorry sorry. That's all I know what to say. There was this day when I called a 3SG into the office to sign a piece of paper that was kinda important. I asked him nicely to sign. He fucking shouted into my ear.

WHY?????? Why must I sign?

Sorry. I'm not sure. But could you sign anyway? It's kinda important. [superior's name] instructions.

BUT WHY MUST I SIGN?

Then my friends came in to help. I already felt like crying. I was not doing anything to this bastard but the bastard insisted on shouting, as if I was deaf. When I told him the contents of the paper, he said "I KNOW. I CAN READ". Cibai. Then why the fuck are you asking me why you must fucking sign the fucking paper!!!!????? Cibai. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Oh then you're a big fuck. Able to read. Fuck you.

Then when I'm out. I always feel so self-conscious. Not sure why. Always feel like that there are people staring and scrutinizing, laughing at my inability to assimilate into society seamlessly. Laughing. Whenever I hear a giggle, a snigger, a laugh... I always feel that they are doing so at me. Laughing at my stupid insecurities. Laughing at how I look. How I'm putting up a pretense for the sake of survival. Inevitably, I hardly look up now to look at people. I bow my face low as if in shame, as if I'm a slave to the workings of a society I cannot belong in, no matter how hard I try. I drag my feet like I have no purpose in life. Which is kinda true right now. I don't care what other people think but when I'm alone and I have no thoughts in my head, my insecurities step in. These thoughts that people might be thinking of me.

I don't know. I'm feeling rather disillusioned about life right now. It's fully occupied with NS and I'm not enjoying a single moment and I cannot imagine living like this for 1 year 6 months anymore. I'd rather not be living.

Thank God I have good friends. Friends willing to listen. Friends wanting to lend a hand when in need. Without them, I believe I'll just die a sorry death. I've got a family yes... but I do not want them to know my problems. They have enough of their own to bother with mine. Friends. I really cannot live without them. I can't even be bothered to think of my future now. There's no security in that. I live for the present now. As long as I have friends, I can survive. I will live through this. NS. Life. Shit.

A Happier Note...

2004-11-28T11:58:00.000+08:00

Managed to catch the last copy of Woman In White at HMV Citylink. Took me 3 hours to find a shop that stocked it... Crap. But it was worth it. I started searching at Orchard then slowly went down till I eventually reached City Hall. If I had only known, I would have gone to City Hall immediately instead. Anyway, it was the last copy on the shelf. That made me damn happy. Saw the $45 buck sticker on the album but I didn't blink twice. I swiped it off the shelf and happily paid for it. Stopped by Burger King at Raffles City, bought a meal, and I tore up the plastic covering in intense anticipation. It was a shocking discovery.

Encounters: A Diamond (Ok... So It's Not A Person This Time :P)

I think that this soundtrack is one of the best to come out of Andrew Lloyd Webber since Phantom of the Opera, and worth every single cent I spent on it. It has a lovely cd box case... It's black in colour with the distinctive Woman in White logo exactly like the one below.

The Cd cover has a nice smooth matte finish and I love its feel. The Cds too look awesome. One has the logo printed on it while the other has the words "Woman in White" printed on them. I just love the whole packaging. Very nice. It's nearly the whole show recorded on 2 Cds save for some lines of dialogue which are missing because the First Night's show was recorded from the stage and immortalized in these 2 cds. Wonderful through and through.

I'm not sure if I should tell you guys about the plot or not... Hmm... Maybe I'll tell a bit of it so as not to let too much of it away. The pretty Marian and extremely beautiful Laura are 2 half-sisters who are assigned a new drawing master (basically an art teacher) in the form of the rugged handsome Walter Hartright. Before Walter arrives at Limmeridge House (Marian & Laura's home), he encounters a Lady all dressed in white at the train station who tells him: "I have a secret... But can I trust you?" She gets him all spooked up about her secret and he endeavours to find out more from her and he meets her again in the graveyard. She tells him of a name to be wary of... a Sir Percival Glyde. Sir Percival Glyde then marries Laura because her late father had promised her hand to him before he died. In his hands, Laura suffers from her husband battering her daily and Marian feels at fault because it was her who pushed Laura to eventually accept Glyde and threw Walter out of the house for trying to stop the marriage. The rest of the show is the eventual discovery of the despicable secret which leads to someone's rightful death by something so extraordinary... It's kinda ingenious... I won't tell you :P

Anyway, everyone sounds absolutely gorgeous in this album. Maria Friedman as Marian Halcombe is superb. Her slightly raspy voice is in perfect tune with Marian's character, outstanding, and not afraid to stand up to men. A superwoman of her age and time. And she's a great belter though her soprano range requires a bit of training... A bit too shrill sometimes. Jill Paice as Laura has a pretty voice, suitable for her wide-eyed innocence and Angela Christian as the Woman in White has a unique voice with a unique accent. A bit of an Irish one I think. And she hits all the notes with a shrill, intended on her part to depict the frightened character of the Woman in White. She screams now and then out of fear for her life because she knows that something can happen to her before she gets to even reveal her secret. Her voice is always nice to look forward to. Martin Crewes as Walter Hartright is also perfect. Nice range. Nice tone. And he always puts in emotion in his voice... as is very evident in Evermore Without You where he laments not being able to be with Laura. Very sad and moving song. And finally Michael Crawford of Phantom fame is in this production as the Italian villain Fosco. He is perfectly in tune with his comic side as is evident in all his comedic songs... esp. in You Can Get Away With Anything where he gets the audience laughing like mad and plays with a mouse which runs up his right arm to end up on his left hand. Damn hilarious. Perfect casting.

If I have the time... I'll try and upload a song or two for you guys to sample. Then hopefully you'll go out out and buy this cast album. Support the production you guys... I love it to death. Now... I need to go and find the Phantom of the Opera movie soundtrack somewhere in town, the double disc one, whose cover is pink (blech... awful colour for Phantomy-stuff... why can't it be black?) and which has a pic of Emmy and Gerard in the classic Music of the Night pose. Will prob be costing me about $45 again.. but if any of you guys spot it anywhere, can you please tell me the location and its cost? I'm kinda busy this weekend and the whole of next week... so maybe won't be able to search for it for this whole week... Thanks for your help guys.

Stronger (Bah... As If)

2004-11-27T23:40:00.000+08:00

This whole week was quite terok in camp. A lot of sai gang (shit work) and a lot of examining and re-examining paper work till late into the night in the office. I didn't see the interior of my home for 4 whole days because of massive over time to get things done in time for this big thing we're having in camp next week. Well-worth it I guess in the short-run because we have been promised sweet things during December... Think Off Off Off... :) Anyway, was damn pissed off at a particular Warrant Officer for getting pissed off at me (because he fucking had no one else to get mad at) just because I had to do something that required his approval. Fuck him. I hate him and I'll not step into his bloody office nor come into his stupid view ever again. Fuck him.

Encounters: Bloody Idiot... Fuck You...

Sorry for the intense use of vulgarities. I just cannot take that bloody idiot anymore. He who thinks that he's a big fry in the camp when he's just a puny underling. An underling who has to work under someone bigger and part of an even bigger hierarchy. Fuck me is it? Fuck me because I'm just a 3rd Sergeant and you're a Warrant Officer. Big deal. Everyone in my department hates you and your stupid ego. Oops. You don't even have the brains to know that there are other people who are just doing their job that require your fucking approval. If I had known, I would not have even spoken to you and your bloody face. And your spit all over my uniform still disgusts me. I hate you and your fucking face. That uniform requires discarding. As does your uniform. You are not fit to be at where you are if you do not realize how the hierarchy works. I bet you don't even know where you are.

Ok. Now merging back to gramatically-correct sentences and correct references. I asked him whether I could check some of the items found in some of the rooms under his department in as nice a manner as I could. I already had many other jobs at hand to do but since my IC told me to help him to do this particular job, I gladly obliged and put the other tasks on hold. Fuck. This stupid Warrant Officer was at his computer staring at the computer screen not doing anything. Then he turned to me with the most cibai menacing face ever and started scolding me. His words went something like this: "You all think all of us here got a lot of time is it? You think we have no work is it to serve you and what you want? (Cibai... I did request as politely as I could and I did address the cibai as Sir. Fuck.) And you expect us to help you? (Cibai. If you didn't I would personally hold you fucking responsible to the highest authority possible for getting the unit into trouble due to your fucking lack of cooperation) I don't have any men here. (Cibai. I saw about 3-4 other people in the office who were not doing anything. Fuck you.) Then he looks around and stops one who passes by his eyes to get the keys (as if I had demanded for the keys - cibai) and open the rooms. I have to confess something. When he started scolding me in his stupid fucking threatening voice, I started to cry. But I tried to cover it up with the most awfully accented and masked 'strong' voice I could muster. I admit that I'm a wuss. Nobody has ever scolded me like that before. Not even my parents. What gave him the right to fucking reprimand me in front of 2 officers and his men when I didn't even belong to his fucking department? Why cibai why? Why, when I was only doing my job and his stupid 'services' were not even required? I only needed his approval. He then follows me and the other guy to the first room. I don't know why. Cibai. Fuck you. No time. As if. Then why the fuck did he follow me around? Cibai. That was the most horrible experience of my life, apart from that stupid western food shop in the previous post, and this new experience is high up my worst experiences list. Cibai. I won't step into his office ever again.

Pissed Off...

2004-10-25T18:04:00.000+08:00

Today, I had a really bad day. Walking around camp. Sending documents. Rewriting stupid documents which I kept writing wrongly. Very tiring. And on top of that, I was fasting. So I was unabashedly looking for some sympathy when I went to the food court to get some food to break fast with my family. An innocent act, fuckingly misconstrued by some 4 bitches at the stupid shop I was buying from. Idiots.

Encounters: Me being totally pissed off... Bitches...

I was standing in front of the stall, when I suddenly remembered that my sis had asked me to msg her back to ask her what she wanted. So I did. And soon after, a few other smses from some friends arrived in my LOL already full inbox. Beep Beep. And I was still looking at the menu to choose what to buy. Deliberation. Apparently that got the shopowners (2 irritating aunties) and their 2 daughters (bitches!!!) irritated. At what I'm not sure. But out of the corner of my ears I could hear what they were saying about me... It went something like this, loosely translated from Malay: "Eh... Do you see that boy (in a very derogatory tone) over there? Using his phone to msg his girlfriend (and I don't even have one, I was msging my sis). So embarassing. And he's going to eat in the public. Doesn't he know the meaning of shame? He's shaming and embarassing the whole Malay community. Disgracing all of us Malays. And doesn't he know how to make up his mind quickly?"

Fuck them. My tummy was rumbling and I was already damn tired. I didn't have to take any of these fucking judgements done out of what?... idleness perhaps. Talking behind others' backs. It's not my fucking fault that you don't have any customers right? Idiots. And I am fasting... Stupid people. And when I went to the counter to order fries (I was too pissed off to order a spring chicken). The stupid auntie asked me: "Eating here?" That was the final straw. And the tone she used... it was so disappointing and hurt me deeply. She said it with malice. As if she hated me or something. And I don't even know who she was. Crap. I asked them (as nicely as I could) to pack my fries and I left as quickly as I could. I was so pissed off. Tired and pissed off. Not a good combo.

I can't believe this. How can some people be so horrible towards their own race? Look down so lowly on their own people? And I bet the two aunties' daughters have not even seen the interior of a junior college or a university!!! Pissed me off. I'm sorry if this offends anyone but I had to degrade the two bitches (daughters) somehow. If not... I simply cannot take it. Perhaps, it was because they noticed I was a teenager. Perhaps they had made the conclusion that since they saw me standing and deliberating, I was thinking of eating there being as immature as I am. Immature. Immature. Immature. And perhaps, they equated the following equation: 1 teenager eating in public=all teenagers eat in public... thus =a disgrace to society. Fuck them. I'm still so pissed off.

In conclusion, I'm never gonna go there ever again. No way am I going to patronize the stall of people who are so narrow-minded, cynical and hypocrites... Just because I am a Malay teenager does not mean I am not educated nor does it mean that I don't know the meaning of fasting. Fuck them. Worst experience of my life. Ever.

Sensitized

2004-10-21T21:41:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the slightly long absence... Been bloody busy at my unit. Have to juggle 2 roles until 1 guy comes back from his course at STC next week to take over the role of CQ 2 IC... Haiz. In the meantime, I love where I am and what I'm doing. I think I'm damn lucky to have gotten posted here. Seriously. It's close to my home. (Even though I have to stay in. Haiz...) The working hours are fairly regular (we finish usually at about 5-5.30pm). And finally. The people here are a fun bunch to work with. Never too serious to spoil the overall jovial mood in the office.

I realize that I have become rather 'sensitized' since being posted here. I have to learn to know what people around me want before they even mention it. As in. Anticipation. And you have to be deft enough not to offend anyone with your words or actions. I have yet to master the skill of getting close to the most important people in the department though I'm slowly learning... :P

Encounters: The 2 elderly males in green...
Anyway... Talking about being sensitized... I was at this food court near my house that just opened. I was eating. What it was is not important. What was more important was that I saw two elderly males sweeping and mopping the floor and wiping the food on the table and clearing the dishes. Here, we call them 'apeks'. They were in green and it kinda hit my heart where it pained most. This image of the elderly serving the young was incongruous to say the least. It saddened me thoroughly. I must admit. Before this, I always chose to ignore these images... my self-imposed apathy but now... haiz... I guess your environment can really change your life's perceptions and priorities. I'm not advocating anything or condoning anyone but the number of the elderly still in the work force beyond their retirement age is kinda alarming. And most of the time, they are made to do the menial jobs that youngsters like us refuse to do. Sigh. I think I shall do more housework from tomorrow onwards.

Reconnaissance

2004-10-10T11:47:00.000+08:00

After spending a week with the guys & gal in my new unit (3rd Sig Bn HQ), I think they are a great bunch of people to spend my next 2 years with. Fun to talk to and never too serious. And dirty jokes aplenty (albeit in Malay). Now a bit busy because of something important happening but the fact that we're doing NDP next year has got me all excited. No one is. But I am. For it will be my very first NDP in my whole life. One in which I'll actually be in the bloody stadium. Cool! Anyways, here's the names I've learnt to know and have become friends with... [Oh yeah! Don, from STC's with me here so at least when I know I'll always have someone fun to talk to when everyone else is busy!]

Encounters: One of a kind

Siti
Halim
Fairuz
Hakeem
Shahroum
Farizwan
Kok Boon
Aaron
Shi Hao
Erwin
Andrew
2 Sirs (QM & RQ)

Went shopping yesterday with my family (including my bloody irritating bro) for Hari Raya clothes. I splurged about $60 for my baju kurung... the most expensive one I have bought so far. Doesn't matter. It looks great. At least in my opinion. Then my bloody bro had to get the same one. Crap. Saw a lot of cute girls in the store. As in really a lot. The storegirls were kinda sweet and cute. They were so helpful even though they were busy. And those who were shopping were mostly with their friends. And while in the group, they kept moving as a group so I thought it was kinda cute as well. Well. Me and my thoughts. It's just that. My thoughts.

Rendezvous at Dhoby Ghaut

2004-10-03T10:00:00.000+08:00

Yay! The old guys (stc ppl) are meeting up at Dhoby Ghaut MRT for LAN I think... I'm not very sure... But it will be nice after a brief respite of about 3 days. :) Hope it will be lots of fun. Reminder to self: Bring camera!!

Was cooped up at home because was expecting a recall to camp. It didn't happen. Yay! But managed to do a lot of reading. Hey wait... this has nothing to do with meeting ppl. Don't worry. Will edit this post once I get home from the outing. :) Hope to see most of everyone there! Anyway, thought I should post a pic of my syndicate here... Still miss you all!!!

Just finished packing my bloody duffel bag to get ready for stay-in in camp from tomorrow onwards. Crap. But actually I don't mind. It's just the hassle of it all. The need to bring everything that there is in your room so you won't feel that you miss home. Even a bloody small thing like an alarm clock can send shivers down your spine. If you don't bring it that is...

Anyway, the rendezvous this afternoon was fun. CS for like 2 hours ++ I was killed 1,000,000++ Hehe... I still suck at this game. :) Realized how much I miss the guys when we started screaming blasphemies during the game. ( _________ ) Please use your own imagination. It was fun! Anyway, we started talking about new units like they were newly discovered countries. Complete with evil villains out to get you and chop off your head with glee. And the mandatory moments of solitude. Here's the list of ppl who went:

Encounters: The CS gang of 03102004

BingShun
Tun Kai
Wen Qing
Jonathan
Jason
Weijian
Jin Wei
Me

Then went to Plaza Singapura to accompany some of them to get some essential accessories for stay-in. Sighz. Everyone is staying in. I don't know whether I like the idea or not. Crap. I think that's the only word I can think of whenever i'm stumped. Crap. And now I cannot blog daily anymore. Crap.

Eye Openers

2004-10-01T22:50:00.000+08:00

I must admit. I am still sore from sorrow and missing people. People I've been with for what 4 months? I miss them so much. So much. That I cried on the way home. So malu. Weird sight it must have been. Green with tears. Crap.

My new unit has some very interesting people. Seriously. Lemme see. A lot of mats. A lot. And they speak Malay seriously a lot. It's kinda unnerving to me. Like a whole new world. I shall try and list down those I know (or at least remember). QM and RQ are quite nice people - I sort of talked to them today...

Encounters: The Hands of the Army

Fairuz
Hakeem
Halim
Siti
Erwin
Khairil

That's all I remember. Hopefully things will be much better soon once I know them after some time.

Last Impressions...

2004-09-30T23:11:00.000+08:00

Today was an emotional turmoil. I had to control all the tears welling up inside me. I'm really gonna miss everyone. Seriously. We've been together for about 4 months, just like PTP and I feel a close bond with everyone. Sigh... Got posted to 3rd Signal Batallion at Jurong Camp. Fret not. Encounters abound... For now:

Encounters: Syndicated by Fate
Wilson
Joe
Eric
Kim Siang
Wen Qing
Eddy
Wee Ling
Felix
Wai

I'll really miss all of you! The good times we all had... The Lan gaming, the AHM, the cycling at night... Sighz... Good luck all of you! I will never forget them... the most incredible and interesting bunch of people I've worked with... :)

Encounters: Acquaintances by Fate

Latiff
Kumar
Chris
Yum
Chris Lee
Jason Gabriel
James
Ding
Alex
Amin
Ken
Jin Wei
Wen Kai
Don
Tun Kai
Dave
Victor
Joel
Jason Teo
Kelly
Chong
Cheong
Arthur
Eugene
Chiam
Joshua
Jonathan

Again... I'll miss all of you... Bawl!!! All the times we all spent laughing in class at other people's antics, the stoning around in class, sharing cds and exchanging music, the sleeping, the slogging like mad, the cursèd healthy lifestyle runs, the mugging for tests... Haiyaz... I'm sad already. Miss you all. Hope you guys have a good life ahead in your new units... :P

First Impressions...

2004-09-29T23:34:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow will be the last day of my Supply Supervisor course at Sembawang Camp. My course has about 67 people including me... I'm too tired tonight to start listing but I think I will do it tomorrow. But I do have something to start this new blog with...

Encounter: Girl in MRT

She was cute. Incredibly cute with black rimmed glasses. I saw her getting on the train somewhere between Sembawang and Woodlands. She was with a friend. Pity. The train was a bit crowded but when the crowd dwindled after Choa Chu Kang, I couldn't resist looking around the train for her with a confused look (to look as if I was searching for a friend or something). I saw her and then she left. Oh. Well.

Jay Zhou - Jian Dan Ai (Simple Love)

xiang zhe yang de sheng huo wo ai ni, ni ai wo
xiang! Jian! Jian! Dan! dan! Ai
xiang! Jian! Jian! Dan! dan! Ai...

Like this kind of life, I love you, you love me
Want simple simple love!
Want simple simple love!